Elements

Chapter 21

Alex's POV

I wake up with a groan, blink a few time and realize that I am staring into the face of my sleeping best friend. I sit up with a start and look down. Oh thank goodness I'm wearing clothes. What happend last night anyway? I look at John sleeping peacefully. I study the soft curves of his face and pick out made-up constellations in his freckles. The way his soft brown hair lightly falls on the pillow. God he's beautiful. 

Wait shit no, I have a girlfriend, and He would never love me anyway. I force myself to turn away from him. It's creepy to watch sleeping people anyway...

I long to just lie back down, wrap my arms around him, and never move ever again.

I force myself out of bed. 

Maria is chilling on a couch in the common room. She wiggles her eyes at me. 

"What," I grumble.

"You and John, huh," She smirks.

"I have Eliza," I roll my eyes.

"You should have seen you last night if you really believe that," 

"Why? Did something happen??" I ask. I hope nothing serious happened.

"You collapsed onto your bed, being in a bad mood after your date with Eliza, John came by to check on you and I had to leave for a class, but when I came back you had fallen asleep cuddling," She explains. "It was pretty adorable," I blush. 

"Well what do I do? I have a girlfriend, kinda," I ask in a moment of desperation.

"So you're going to stop dating Eliza?" She looks almost happy.

"What? No!" I exclaim. "I mean, with John,"

She pinches the bridge of her nose and exhales really loudly. 

"Alexander."

"What?" I ask

"You are the most disasterous person I've ever met," 

"Okay???" 

"Do I really need to spell it out for you?"

"Spell what out?" 

"Jay oh ach en el eye kay e es why oh you,"

"What?" 

"John likes you you idiot,"

"Maria, what?" By now I am extremely confused. 

"For someone who's absolutely brilliant you're and absolute idiot,"

"So you're being serious?" I ask

"YES," She looks exasperated.

"No, no, he can't," I insist. I mean, how could anyone as perfect as him like me. Maria gives me a stern look. "well, even if he does, I don't," I lie. She doesn't say anything, but I notice her attention turn towards the door. 

"Alex?" I hear a voice say. A voice that is unmistakably John's. Oh shit. I turn around just in time to see him with tears in his eyes turn and walk away. 

"John wait!" I run to catch up with him. I put an arm on his shoulder. "John, it's not what you think-"

"Then what was it Alex," He turns and glares at me. "Because to me it seemed like you liked me back," He does like me, I could almost smile. "But then you start going out with Eliza and I hear you say  that, it makes it seem like I don't mean anything to you, like I'm just a toy to be played with," My heart sinks into my shoes.

"No, John it's not like that," 

"Whatever Alex, what ever we were before is gone now," He turns on his heal and walks away. I catch him wipe a tear from his cheek as he leaves. I hang my head. He was completely right, I was playing with him. He doesn't deserve that, he's too good for me. 

...

A week goes by before I see him again. I was leaving my political science class, still avoiding Jeffershit, when I saw him talking with Lafayette outside. He glances up at me when I start walking over. We make eye contact for a split second before he says something to Laf and leaves.  Laf turns around and we almost run into each other. 

"Oh! Salut Alex!" 

"Hey Laf, how've you been?"

"I've been ok, classes have been keeping me busy. We should get the squad together soon. Also, I heard you and Eliza went on a date. How was that?"

"Eh, it was ok, I don't know if it's going to last,"

"That's good, I always thought that you'd be better with John anyway,"

"Yeah... do you know  where he went? I wanted to talk to him about something," 

He smirk and points in the general direction of the Biology and Medical building. "He said he had to go talk to a professor about something, I don't think he'll be there for very long. You could probably just wait outside," 

"Ok, thanks Laf!" I wave to him as I start running in that direction. 

The Biomedical building only has one major entrance and there's a few benches around. I grab a spot so I'm facing the doors. After a minute I pull out my phone to pass the time. I start scrolling through my Instagram feed when I get a call from Eliza. Shit. I pick up. Shit.

"Hello?"

"Hey Alex, I was wondering if you wanted to go on another date sometime. I feel like that first one wasn't really that great and I want to try again,'' I mentally wince. 

"Eliza, you're a great girl, but I don't think we're going to work out," I say

"Oh, did I do something wrong?"

"No," I stop for a second to figure out how to put my thoughts into words. "I just don't really think of you that way,"

"Oh, ok," She sound disappointed.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine," 

"Ok, well, I guess I'll talk to you later,"

"Yeah,"

"Ok, bye,"

"Bye,"

She hangs up first. I let out a sigh, glad that's finally over. I put my phone back in my pocket. 

Only minutes after John comes out of the building. He doesn't see me. I stand up and jog towards him. 

"John!" I called out. He turns around in surprise but his eyes narrowed when he sees me. 

"Leave me alone Alexander," He continues walking. 

"John, wait, I wanted to apologize for everything. I really do like you," I leap ahead to keep up with him.

"Sorry doesn't fix everything, and how can I trust what you say anymore?" He snapped. I stop, surprised at his raised voice. I notice a few other students turning their heads. 

"John, please just hear me out," I beg.

"No Alex, just drop it, please," I open my mouth to try and say something, anything, to make it better, but I can't. The words roll around on my tongue like marbles before I force them back down my throat as I watch him walk away.