INDEFINITE ✔️✔️

∆ 3. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ∆

Taehyung's

Jin hyung was not talking to me or even sparing me a glance It's been a while now. I can understand that, I did him dirty and I crossed my boundaries, but I miss my hyung. No more dad jokes and no more laughter that brightens up my day. I am now waiting for him to come home, I'll try to apologize and talk to him, we can't stay like this. Jungkook is gone and I don't want my Jin hyung gone too.

The door swung open and Jin hyung is home, he just walked past me and I can smell him reeking of alcohol. I tried calling out his name.

"Hyung! Jin hyung!"

He looked at me and his expression turned sad, "Oh, my favorite brother is here talking to me and calling me hyung! What do you need? What can hyung do for you? Are you hurting again? Are you needing hyung to comfort you again?"

"What are you talking about, hyung?"

He laughed at me sarcastically before answering, "Isn't that why you always come to me? You always need something, you needed this, you wanted that, Jungkookie here and there. You never went to me and just talk to me asking ME how I feel. It's all about you, it's all about your struggles and your pain, all about how deeply Jungkook's cut hurts you. But what about me? When will it be me?"

"Are you really my friend at all? Why do I feel like you just needed me because you can get something from me, what if Kookie comes back? You will put me aside again. I tried hard to be a constant thing in your life, squeezing myself in even if I don't feel needed, I did that because you're there. I don't want to lose you or be far away from you. But Taehyungie, I'm tired of all of this."

I can't understand what he is saying, of course he's my friend, I value him a lot. I value him as a family.

"Hyung, what are you talking about?"

He shook his head and dismissed me, "Nothing, you won't understand."

"No! Tell me! I demand you to tell me!"

His face hardened and glared at me, "I said you won't understand. It's okay. Just go to your room and rest. I can handle myself." He turned his back at me and I can't help myself anymore.

"Hyung, I can't understand you! You're right I can't! Why? Because you kept shutting me out, all these years you kept your doors closed. And who are you to say that I can't understand you? YOU are the one who doesn't understand me, you don't know the pain hyung. I can't even get myself together because I suddenly felt lost when he left me. You don't understand how painful it is to always pretend to be okay when I'm clearly not."

"You don't understand me, because you have never loved someone in your entire life! You only loved yourself, everything in your world is so focused around you! You don't know how to lose the half of your heart and die everyday by not being with him."

"You're only problem is taking care of me, and I never asked you to take care of me! You could push me away! I didn't asked any of that, why are you blaming it to me when it's you who gave it away? You can always leave me alone but you always choose to stay. It's not my choice, it's yours. Don't get mad at me because of your decisions. Don't get mad because I can't repay what you gave."

My breath is heavy and I'm panting, I'm getting frustrated at what he acts, but when I looked at him I immediately regretted all those words.

"That's the reason why I don't say anything at all to anyone. You don't get to speak to me like that, you don't know half of what I'm going through, you have your own pain, I have mine. I was there for you because nobody was there when I needed them the most. Since you're telling me about your pain, I'll tell you some of mine, where were you when I texted you and told you I needed your help because my mom is dying and I needed someone to talk to and find comfort?"

"I immediately thought of you when I had to go through that, but what did you do? You just marked ny message as seen and never checked on me again if I'm okay or still holding on."

"Where were you when my life is falling apart and I had no choice but to break down, I tried calling you and I texted you saying I needed someone it's emergency, what did you replied? I'm sorry hyung, I'm with Kookie, you can handle that."

"You were never there, so don't blame me if I shut my world. You just comes back to me when it's convenient for you. And don't say that I never loved someone aside from myself, I did love someone more than how I love myself. I died everyday but no one noticed because nobody paid attention."

Jin hyung left me and I don't know what to say, he's right about all of it. I was never really there for him. But it's only because I thought he's okay and he's doing fine or he just wants someone to mess around with. I can't deal with all of these.

Our life is a mess and it made me realize that I never really knew who Jin hyung was.