INDEFINITE ✔️✔️

∆ 4. ALWAYS BY YOUR SIDE ∆

We're acting like we're comforting each other
But it's mixed with thorns

Trivia: Seesaw - Bts Suga

Jin's

Maybe it's the alcohol that talked, or it's all my frustrations just spilling out of me. I think it's both, the alcohol just gave me the courage to voice out some of my thoughts, some of my heartaches.

I don't really want to talk to him like that and make him feel guilty about everything I've been through, it's all my choice, he's right. If I can't receive what I gave he is not at fault because I gave it freely.

I know I shouldn't invalidate what he is going through compared to mine, pain is pain no matter how hard the blow to someone. Pain demands to be felt. It's all equal.

I acted immaturely, I know that for sure. I'm the hyung here, I should have kept my cool and just listened to him. I can't expect him to be understanding especially he is still moving on from Jungkookie. His experience was much harder than mine. He is just lost right now, he will find his way back, and I'll be here for him until I see him get better.

I act immaturely because I am now starting to get demanding towards him and it's not good. I'm starting to ask for more. More than what he could offer. Hoping for more than friendship, more than this, and if I let myself be carried away, I might lose our friendship and I dreaded for that to happen.

I am not perfect, absolutely not. I really want to shout to his face all the pain and how it felt but nothing is worth it. I will hurt him and he will fight back about how pained he is, and if I don't control myself, we will not stop counting all the pain we've been going through. The cycle will just continue.

I don't want to hurt him anymore, it's enough that Kookie makes him feel that way. I'll get up and talk to him.

But before I can stand up, the connecting door opened, revealing Taehyung who is now walking towards me and sat on the other side of the bed. None of us talked or initiate to move at first.

"Sorry."

We both said at the same time.

"No, I'm sorry." I insisted. "I shouldn't have done that, and you're right. I cared for you even if you didn't asked me to, I don't have no right to expect something in return. I'm the hyung here, I should be the one who understands you. Forgive me for bring up those last events between the both of us, it's nothing. I'm just driven by my emotions. Hyung didn't mean to hurt you, okay? It's okay. Everything is okay. Don't feel guilty, Taehyungie."

He nodded and sobbed and went closer to me resting his head on my chest.

"Hyung, everything hurts, everything still hurts. Why isn't the pain going away?"

I smiled to myself. I tilted my head up and prevented ny tears as I caress his hair. I'm eating up my own words. I shouldn't be expecting anything in return, right? I should've seen this coming.

But isn't it natural for someone to have this emotions? Isn't it normal for everyone that we expect to receive the love we give even just a little bit?

Because at this moment as he cry his heart out to my chest, I realized he isn't here to apologize because he finally understood me, he is here to apologize because he is afraid that I might leave him and he will be alone and there's no one that will carry his burdens with him.

Jin, don't ask for anything in return.

I made my mind stronger so my heart will believe it and I can fake it till I make it.

I tried hard to speak, to give him the answer I have in mind, because we have the same question.

"I don't know, Taehyungie, cry if you want. Hyung is here. You'll be okay. I'll take care of you."

"Why does loving him hurts this bad? I'm not myself anymore, I'm hurting you and I'm hurting myself in the process. If only he'll come back then everything will be okay."

Why does loving you hurts so bad?

"It is because we trust them to take care of our hearts, we were too confident that they will not crush it, that's why when they do we come unprepared. We never fall in love to get heartbroken anyways, that is why. Don't blame yourself. Don't blame Jungkook. Just start moving on and be happy."

Ironic, that's what I think. I'm saying he move on but I can't move on from him. We are stuck in the same situation.

"Hyung, you will always be by my side, right? You won't leave me like they did?"

"Yes, Taehyungie, hyung will stay. Jin hyung will always be here."

"Then I'll be okay. As long as you're here hyung, I'll be okay."

====

Taehyung's

Hyung is back, I feel alive. I feel complete. I won't be alone because he is here. I don't think I can live without Jin hyung by my side.

How I really wish Jungkook is here so my happiness will be complete.

Tell me your thoughts and how you feel about these two ;) I want to know how you think about them.

Ily 💜💞