INDEFINITE ✔️✔️

∆ 17. BIRTHDAY GIFT ∆

Taehyung's

I was strolling in a nearby park today. I need to take my mind away from Jungkook. It's been two weeks since I learned that Jin hyung was not living in his old house anymore. Today is Jim hyung's birthday and I miss him so much.

What happened to me this past weeks? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I was miserable so to speak. I can't drink alcohol. I choose not to. This way, I can feel the pain of losing my child and Jin hyung. I don't want to escape it, I want to feel every ounce of regret so in that little way, I can repay Jin hyung's pain. I can't even sleep, my mind always wanders about the what ifs.

Jungkook on the other hand, I don't know what's gotten into him. He is getting out of hand, he always try to hurt himself. I know he was also in doubt about me and my feelings for him. But I do stay with him. I love him. I should love him.

I keep on walking and I saw a quiet place for me to sit in. I needed this, I need to breath and rest before facing reality once again.

I was in deep thought when my eyes caught a glimpse of someone I've been yearning to see this past week. I saw Jin hyung.

I quickly got on my feet and ran to his direction.

"Hyung!"

He stopped walking but he didn't faced me. I can imagine his reaction. I know he didn't expect me to be here. I made him face me and I can see he is still in shock.

"T-taehyung.."

I pulled him into a hug and after what seemed to be a long time, it only took one hug from Jin hyung to make me feel alive again. I swear I can feel myself tearing up by being this close to him even if he isn't returning back my hug. I don't care as long as he's here in front of me. I can feel something wetting my shirt and I instantly know it's Jin hyung's tears.

I looked at him and wiped away his tears, "Stop crying, hyung. D-don't cry."

But Jin hyung didn't listened. He kept on crying and crying, luckily no one is there on that very spot so no one will see both of us and think that I'm harassing him.

"Hyung ... Please stop crying. Don't cry, I'm sorry about everything, I was in pain too, I know it's incomparable to yours, but I also lost our baby. Please don't hate me, I can't bear the thought of you hating me."

Jin hyung just shook his head, "Leave me alone."

"You think in that situation of yours I will leave you alone? We are both in pain hyung, you're hurting and I am too."

"Everytime I see you, I feel pain, Taehyung. You can't comfort me. Being this close to you is ripping my whole being."

I was taken aback. Yes, I forgot, Jin hyung isn't simply in pain because of our child but also because of me. I caused him to be this. I am the reason he is always crying. I am the reason of all of this.

"They say love until it hurts, but fuck Taehyung! I've been hurting for years now. I can't remember how it started but the moment I went out on that hospital three years ago, I started seeing you in a different light. I saw you more than a best friend. More than a brother."

"I loved you so much even if I'm always the second choice. Even if I'm always set aside. I lived you even if it hurts like hell seeing you happy with Jungkook when all the while I wish it was me. I loved you so much it hurts Taehyung."

"I've tried to move on. I promise I did. But today, finally I can say I will start doing it. It's enough that I've lost our baby. Maybe it's a wake up call that even though how tight you hold me with your hugs or how you make me feel butterflies when you kiss me, it won't change the fact that Jungkook has your heart."

Jin hyung stood up and wiped his tears, I can't move. I was stoned in place. Hearing him give up feel like someone splashed cold water on my face.

"You said you'll stay by my side?" i whispered. I'm desperate. I held his hand and he tried to move away from my grip.

"Let go of me, Taehyung. Please let me go."

I don't want to, but I know I have to.

"Hyung, what if I'm already in love with you?"

He looked at me but there is no sign of hope in his eyes, opposite to mine. I'm hoping wholeheartedly hoping I can still get him back.

"Then, let go of me. Return back the favor I did. I let you do what you want. I never force you into anything. I never beg of you. Do the same. If ever we meet again in the future and you are still sure of that, we'll see what fate has in store for us. But I can't make you hope that I'll be waiting for you."

All my hopes lit up. Jin hyung didn't make me wait but I know in my heart I will wait for my hyung. "I will wait for you, hyung. I'll look for you wherever you might be. By the time that I see you again, I know, I can be worthy of you."

"Don't look for me, let us meet again when Destiny allows us to. Don't force things, Taehyung. I know what you think."

I shook my head, "No hyung, I mean it this time. I promise I won't mess it up."

"Don't talk too much, you have a good record of not keeping your promises. Do it. But don't blame me if you're too late, you don't own my heart anymore. Goodbye Taehyung. Give me this as my birthday wish. Don't bother me again for now."

"Happy Birthday, hyung." That was his last words before Jin hyung completely left me.

Jin hyung walked away from me. Our future was uncertain, but not what I feel. I know what I want now.