bucky barnes imagines

xxiii. INSECURE

A/N – WARNING: slight body dysmorphia.

—— ★ ——

"Doll, are you okay?"

Half-dressed, you stood in front of the mirror, sighing to yourself as your boyfriend called through the bathroom door.

"I'm fine, just washing my hands."

You turned the water on to make your lie less obvious. Meanwhile, your eyes continued to scan over every inch of your body, picking out the tiniest flaws; scars, stretch marks, unevenness. Although you knew that you had nothing to be ashamed of, you hated everything about your appearance.

After a few more seconds, you slipped back into your leggings, sports bra and hoodie before switching the taps off again and exiting the bathroom, immediately being faced with a strange look from Bucky, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"If something was wrong, you would tell me, right?" he questioned, stepping towards you and taking your hand.

"Of course," you replied, giving him a forced smile. He seemed unconvinced, but chose to drop the matter for the time being, sensing that you weren't ready to open up about whatever was bothering you.

Without another word, the two of you headed to the training room to meet Nat. Before you knew it, you were having fun again as you worked out with two of your favourite people, laughing and joking together. You could always count on them to cheer you up.

As you exercised, the room began to heat up. Bucky was unbothered, wearing a sleeveless shirt and shorts, while Nat tossed her sweatshirt into a corner before continuing her training regime. You could've done the same thing; you wished you had the confidence. But you didn't want to show any part of your body when you didn't have to, so you kept yourself covered up despite the unbearable temperature.

Eventually, Nat noticed your strange behaviour. "Y/N, you're bright red! Don't you wanna take your hoodie off?"

"No... I'm cold," you lied, desperately trying to catch your breath. Your head was beginning to spin. Once again, realising that something was wrong, Bucky walked over and pressed the emergency stop button on the treadmill that you'd been using.

"Cold? How the hell..."

As Nat spoke, you attempted to step off the workout machine, but your legs gave way and you fell backwards. Bucky rushed forwards and tried to grab you, but he was too late. You fell to the floor, your vision rapidly deteriorating as you hit your head.

After that, you weren't too aware of what was happening, fading in and out of consciousness for a while. You recognised that Bucky had picked you up and was walking somewhere with you in his arms – probably taking you to Bruce to make sure you were going to be okay. You managed to pick out small parts of the conversation before you zoned out again.

"Possibly heat exhaustion..."

"Acting different..."

"Lots of water..."

When you finally woke up properly, you were back in bed, laying on top of the covers with your head propped up on the pillows. You groaned as you opened your eyes and immediately felt a sharp pain shoot through your head.

The noise caught Bucky's attention and straight away, he was by your side, holding out some painkillers and a bottle of water. You swallowed the large tablets, grimacing as they stuck in your throat slightly.

"Here, you should drink as much as you can, it'll help. How're you feeling, sweetheart?"

"Not great, what happened to me?" As you spoke, you realised that your hoodie was missing; instead, you were dressed in a cropped t-short and mid thigh pyjama shorts. You tried to shuffle under the covers in an attempt to at least hide your legs, but Bucky stopped you.

"No, you need to stay as cool as possible." He sounded sympathetic, but spoke firmly, wanting to make sure you recovered quickly.

"Can I just have my hoodie back, then?" you said in a small voice.

Bucky sighed and shook his head. As you looked down in defeat, he climbed onto the bed beside you and wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. Tears filled your eyes and he hugged you tightly.

"What's up, Y/N? You've been acting strange lately and I didn't want to bother you about it, but after today... I can't just keep ignoring it, it's too much of a risk."

You knew it was okay to tell Bucky how you'd been feeling; he had never judged you before and he would always support you in any situation. But suddenly you couldn't think of a way to phrase it without sounding stupid. Eventually, you took a deep breath and began to explain.

"I just... I hate the way I look, Bucky. I can't do much about my face, but my body... I just want to cover it up, never have to look at it and never let anybody else see it either, except for you, maybe. There's just so much that I wish I could fix – the scars, the bruises, all of it, it's so... insufficient, y'know? The other girls on the team are so pretty without even trying, and then there's me."

As you spoke, the tears escaped and began to roll slowly down your face. Bucky listened intently, while gently wiping the tears away with his thumb. Once you fell silent, he tilted your chin up, gazing directly into your eyes.

"Hey, look at me, doll. I know that hearing this from me probably won't change the way you see yourself and I'm not the best at comforting people, but... there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you look. Everything about you is beautiful and I'm not the only one who sees that, okay? Your scars, your bruises... they show that you've faced a tough battle and lived to tell the tale. They make you powerful."

He paused for a second to place a few soft kisses on your cheek before continuing.

"Let me tell you something. When people say there's no such thing as perfect – that's because everybody has a different definition of perfection. And you... you're perfect to me. I wouldn't change a thing about you, ever. And I just hope that you'll let me help you see yourself in the same way that I do."

By the time Bucky finished talking, you were almost speechless. Nobody had ever said anything like that to you before and you had no way of expressing how grateful you were for his support.

"God," you mumbled after a few seconds, "I love you so much."

"I love you too – more than anything. More than I thought it was even possible to love anything." Bucky leaned down to peck your cheek again, but you turned your head so that your lips met his. The kiss was slow and tender, and you could feel your heart fluttering as you pulled away, smiling shyly.

In the end, you were glad for the unfortunate events that had taken place that day, because it showed you one thing – no matter how badly you were hurt, either mentally or physically, Bucky would always be by your side. And that was just how you wanted it.