pay you with love ♡ malum (discontinued)

01 ➵ do you want a blowjob first?

"Fuck!" I groaned and slammed my laptop shut, trying to pull up my pants again.

It was quite difficult to put them on with a raging hard on, so I just decided to take a cold shower.

I mean, I needed to get rid of the boner anyway.

Yes, I was frustrated, mostly sexually, but who could blame me?

I haven't had proper sex for seven months and for some reason, doing it myself didn't really work.

Not even porn could help me with that.

Touching myself wasn't a pleasure anymore, more like torture and I was probably the first person ever who would think that, but it was true.

I just needed someone who could help me get rid of my sexual frustrations and the lack of sex I've had for the past few months and I knew that sitting around in my room wouldn't help me with finding a boy for a hook up, so I decided to go outside.

I didn't know where I was driving, and trying to hit on boys for sex in the middle of the day was probably really weird, but I needed it.

I stopped at some coffee shops and tried to pick up some boys, but it didn't really work like I wanted it to.

"Hello handsome."

"Sorry? I'm not gay."

This was how most of the conversations looked like.

And then I finally found a nice looking guy who also seemed to have a great personality, but when I tried being honest and told him that I looked for sex, he told me that it's not going to happen and left.

I sighed and took a last sip from my coffee, then threw the empty cup away on the way to my car.

I closed my eyes and sighed, then started laughing at myself.

I was so desperate, something I usually never have been before. It was so not me.

And then I started driving again and I wasn't really thinking about where exactly I was going, until i found myself in that part of the town.

I bit my lip before getting out of the car, walking through the streets and I felt kind of uncomfortable.

Half naked girls were waiting in the buildings, trying to get you into the filthy hotels and stores with their seductive looks, but I just ignored them.

Boobs really were a big turn off.

I didn't even know if I would find any boys around here. All I saw while walking around for ten minutes were boobs and more boobs, not one single boy who was willing to have sex for money and I was so close to leaving this part, because honestly, I really didn't belong here and it wasn't a good idea to come here in the first place.

But then someone caught my attention, a small boy with brown hair and blonde streaks in it. He was randomly standing around and I wasn't even sure if he was one of them, one of those people who sold their bodies.

I casually walked over to him and awkwardly stared at him, trying to figure out if he also did it with other boys, until he grabbed my hand and led me into a small street which led to a hotel.

When we got to the hotel room I started to get really nervous. It was so dirty and abandoned, it was actually kind of scary.

"Do you want a blowjob first?"

"I -- sorry?" I asked, kind of confused and shocked about what he said.

"I asked you if you want a blowjob before we get into it," the other boy repeated, biting down on his bottom lip.

He looked so innocent, I didn't understand how he got into this kind of business.

"I honestly don't know, are you comfortable with that? I mean if you hate doing that, we can just skip it or I'll leave."

The smaller one smiled and looked down at his feet, fumbling with his fingers.

"What?"

"Usually people don't care about what I want or don't want to do. I ask, they reply and then we get started," he explained.

"Oh, well, do you like giving blowjobs?"

A laugh escaped his pretty lips.

"I'm okay with doing that, trust me, some people want me to do much weirder stuff."

And I didn't know if I should laugh, too. 

Because when I looked into the other boys eyes, I could tell that he wasn't happy. 

And now that I was so close to him, I could see the small amount of mascara on his eyelashes and honestly, it was adorable.

"What's your name?"

"Calum, yours?"

"Michael."

Calum nodded and came even closer, started kissing my cheek and jawline while tugging at my shirt.

"Should I -- Should I take it off?" I asked, almost whispered and felt Calum nodding, his hair tickling on my cheeks.

I took it off and asked for permission to also take off Calum's shirt, and he nodded.

My hands were cold, but he didn't seem to mind as they wandered under the his shirt, slowly and gently stroking his soft skin until I suddenly went over a part that wasn't so soft, more raw. 

It felt like I was running over scars and I really didn't think much of it, until I felt more of them and my heart started racing because I was scared.

I frowned and looked into Calum's eyes again.

"What?"

"You -- You have a lot of scars."

"Well, I had a lot of problems."

And I closed my eyes and sighed, then pulled back.

Calum was so innocent and broken and even though I've never even met him before, nor talked to him properly, I knew that his life wasn't good and that he was unhappy.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this," I finally said and put the shirt back on. 

"What? No, please don't leave. I -- you're only my third customer this week and it's already Thursday. Please, I will do anything you want. Just please have sex with me, I really need the money."

And my heart shattered into millions of pieces, seeing the small boy practically begging me to have sex with him. I felt so sorry for Calum, sorry that he had to go through all this.

"How much money do you want?"

"Depends on what you want to do with me."

I sighed and grabbed my wallet, taking out all the money I had in there.

"Here, take all this. I don't want anything, just take it."

"But those are 400$, I can't just take it without giving anything back."

I smiled, "It's fine, really. You need it more than I do."

Calum took it and flashed me a little smile before I left the hotel room.

Even though I felt good because I did something to help another person, I still hadn't had sex.

"God dammit."

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This sounded so much better in my head.

Your thoughts? :)