In His Hands (BxB)

Broken Bridges

***Lutz' POV***

I realize how fucked up I am, now. I comprehend the level of damage I created, now. If only life had that beautiful remote from Click. I would give anything to redo the last three years.

I literally shattered the man I love. I physically feel sick from my actions. I can only hope that Remington and Talon can somehow forgive me. I will spend the rest of my life regretting the broken bridges I have created.

Talon was my best fucking friend. Seriously. He was a dream. Talon held me when my pet hamster died and I cried like a snotty nosed child.

We spent weekends at one another's homes as more brothers than friends. We were joined at the hip.

Somewhere around my twelfth birthday, I realized I had a major crush on my best friend, Talon Fucking Williams.

His smile took my breath. His giggle flooded my body in warmth. His hugs made me feel like I was floating.

That day my mom came home and spilled Talon's secret, I got excited. Talon was within reach. He was mine for the taking.

I never told him how I felt. I waited to see if he would tell me he felt the same. That was asinine. People can't read minds.

Tell that to my 14 year old idiotic self.

So, now we are here.

My best friend hates me. One of my other friends thinks I'm a jackass, which I am. The other is disgusted by me, not that I care.

I care about Talon. I care about my Alpha. I care about my pack.

I will never spend another second harming any of those people. I will instead work on me. Somewhere out there, I have a mate. If he knew me now, he would reject me. I would deserve it.

I slowly get out of my bed to do my first training of the day. I get dressed and make my way to formation. My heart is so heavy, my limbs are weighed down by guilt.

I work thru the exercises with slow movements. My mind races with words that need to be said and need to be heard. I focus on those words as I run in my wolf form.

My wolf, Damon, he chastises me the same as always. Your wolf is your conscience to a point. He told me not to harm Talon. I let my hurt outweigh my senses. I was an asshole.

After training, I take a shower and dress in my normal clothes. My shirt is tight and feels suffocating. Generally, I would stand in the mirror and gawk at myself. I would give myself a pep talk about how awesome I am. I would lie to myself.

What kind of person can't even see the truth in themselves?

A bad one.

I long to be good enough to say the word mate. I wish to be worthy of my Alpha and Luna. I strive to be the best friend I once was.

With these thoughts, I walk slowly to the pack house.

I told my mom and dad, last night, of all my sins. I confessed my love of Talon. I revealed my plans for today.

They yelled. They sighed. They spoke harshly.

Not because I'm gay, that didn't have any influence. They accept me for me. They gave me something I kept from the one I love, support.

They are disappointed in me because I hurt Talon. They should be. I am disappointed in myself.

I open the door to the pack house and I drop my head at the scent of my future Luna that saturates my senses.

I sit at the table, in my place, and calm myself. I prepare for the open confession I will make. I will bare my flaws before my pack because they deserve to hear my pathetic excuse. It effected every single one of them.