Your Creation • Zarry

9. Conditions

I just laid there utterly speechless. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever thought I would actually experience that moment in real life, and the way that Zayn executed all of it so naturally had my head spinning. There was no way that this was his first time doing something like this.

"That was unreal," I finally spoke. "Have you ever done that before?"

Zayn stood up and shook his head no.

"Are you kidding? You've never done that?"

"Nope. First time," he replied, adjusting himself and I could tell he was still hard.

"Jesus. That's the best head I've ever gotten," I told him. My mind was blown. "Please, let me return the favor..." I then added, scooting towards the edge of the bed where he was standing.

"No, it's alright. That was just for you."

Wait, what? I sat there feeling perplexed. I was his first ever time giving someone a blowjob which was fucking ridiculous because how could someone be that good for their first ever try and also, why didn't he want anything from me in return? I mean, I had never done it either but I was more than willing to do my best to make him feel as good as he made me feel and at that point I really, really wanted to.

"Are you sure?"

It seemed pretty unfair that I was the only one receiving all the pleasure for the second time. Then, Zayn knelt down on the floor in front of me and stared at me rather softly and I was back in that trance again. I don't know what it was about his gaze that lured me in the way that it did, but I couldn't look away even if I wanted to.

"Shhhhh," he whispered in an effort to silence me and leaned forward, planting a small kiss on my lips. "Another time, yeah?"

Another time? Another fucking time? Just the idea that there could even be another time had me feeling so overwhelmed. This wasn't just a one time thing where we'd hook up and then pretend it didn't happen. No, this was an invitation to experience it again. I had no idea what was going on between me and Zayn or why our friendship had suddenly crossed this line, but I really, really needed to know.

Zayn crawled onto the bed and laid down, motioning for me to join him. I hesitated for a moment, wondering how to approach it. Should I lay beside him or was he inviting me to cuddle? I decided to take the chance of it being the latter and I made my way towards him, cozying up and letting my head fall onto his chest, hoping it wasn't too much. Then I felt him put his arm around my shoulder and I began to relax.

"What are we doing?" I decided to ask.

"Laying here," he blandly answered.

"You know what I mean."

Zayn didn't reply right away. Instead there was a lull of silence that lingered on for a few seconds and I began to feel anxious because I was feeling unsure of where is mind was at and I just wanted him to talk to me.

"I have always wondered about this," Zayn finally answered.

I looked up at him in disbelief. He had been wondering about me the entire time that I had been fantasizing about him and neither of us ever knew. I was still unable to fathom how he could have possibly been thinking about me this way because it just didn't seem real.

"I can't believe it," I said.

"Why not?"

"I...I don't know."

Zayn chuckled.

"Well I know you've thought about it before...clearly."

"How did you know?"

I looked up at him again and he gave me a cheeky little smirk.

"I knew for sure when I walked downstairs to get water from the kitchen and heard you say my name while having a wank on my couch."

And then I felt myself blushing.

"Well you got me there."

"So how often have you fantasized about me?" he then asked, looking rather smug.

I felt like Zayn could see into my soul or something because I felt pretty exposed, like he already knew that it wasn't the first time.

"I hate you," I retaliated.

"I don't think you do."

I wasn't sure how else to explain what I was thinking. I honestly had not thought about men in this way before, never once. I had only ever liked girls. I loved girls. I had sex with plenty of girls and enjoyed every minute of it, but it was just Zayn for some reason that had made me feel curious about it. Curious about him. But I wasn't gay and I wanted him to know that.

"I don't really fancy guys you know, like, I haven't thought about stuff like this with other guys. It was just you. I mean, obviously you're a guy but I consider you more like a...creature, if that makes sense."

That was the best way to put it. Zayn was like this specific breed of human that just stood apart from everyone else. He was a guy, obviously, but he was so cool and interesting, attractive, smart, talented, kind, funny. He had all the qualities that I liked in a person and his gender just didn't seem that important. I don't think it had anything to do with why I thought about him like that, actually.

Zayn smiled at me and he ran his fingers through my curls like he always did, which gave me goosebumps.

"I don't see why you have to define it. Like, gay, bi, or whatever, sexuality is what it is. It doesn't have to be like this or that. You don't have to label it. People can get off to whatever they like; there's no shame in that."

See, Zayn understood me. And throughout the course of our conversation that night we had both come to the same conclusion that it was exclusively only each other that we had been curious about, and I think it was because we had this level of comfortability since we were such close friends and it made me feel validated to know that he and I had more in common than ever before.

"So what if we had like a friends with benefits type situation," Zayn suggested.

"I think that might be fun," I said, feeling excited.

"But we need some conditions. One, we need to keep it hidden from everyone at all costs and two, it's strictly physical, yeah? No strings attached."

And by no strings attached he meant that we weren't going to develop romantic feelings for each other and that sounded great to me. The idea that we could fool around in the dark when no one was looking but then still be free to do whatever I wanted with whomever was like a win-win situation. Zayn had zero plans on breaking up with Perrie, who he had been dating for nearly a year now, and I made the agreement to being his little secret.

At the time I will admit that I didn't care about being in this position. I had been so lost in the newness of how his hands felt on my body that I fell right into it all, headfirst, without even thinking. That night we stayed up talking like we usually did and I just sunk deeper into the moment. It was like time stood still and the outside world ceased to exist and before we knew it, we had fallen asleep together and when we woke up in the morning, we were cuddling. But I didn't move away.