Your Creation • Zarry

65. You need me

I kept thinking about that night where we fell asleep under the moon with that spectacular view of the canyons in the distance, as if there was no tomorrow. But tomorrow would always come and a quick lovemaking session in the morning as the sun rose was followed by a quick breakfast and an even quicker goodbye, as I had plans to head back to the UK for the holidays and Zayn was spending them in New York with Gigi.

I took Camille home with me to meet my family since everyone knew about her and I wanted her to be a part of it. In the midst of my life, she had become pretty important to me. This was my first holiday without my stepfather and I was feeling rather sad, as I knew that everyone else would be, and maybe I just needed that extra support.

As far as everyone knew she was my girlfriend and in fact, she was. However, nobody knew that it wasn't that serious, but still, everyone loved her. She had this way with people that I found truly infectious. She always lit up the room with her laugh and told these great stories. Camille complimented my sister Gemma and helped my Mum with the cooking, and in some other reality where my heart didn't belong to some beautiful boy that had captivated me, she could have very well been the one. There were a few times where I'd stop and stare at her as she chatted with my family members and I'd think about what life would be like if I settled down with someone like her. It would be a lot easier, and sometimes I wished that I was a simple kind of man.

My Mum had cornered me in the kitchen after dinner that night with this smile on her face and I already knew what she was going to say.

"I really like her Harry," she told me.

"I like her too. She's great."

But then I saw her give me that knowing look, the ones Mums had, like she knew that there was something else I wasn't telling her.

"But you're not in love with her are you?" she asked, her voice dropping lower, almost whispering.

"I wish I was."

"Harry..." she trailed off, leaning in and giving me one of those hugs that you just really need sometimes. "I know how much you loved him. It's hard, I know..." she trailed off, choking up a bit at the end, and I could feel that she was getting emotional because of my stepdad not being there with us.

"I still love him."

"First loves are never easy to get over," she responded, trying to comfort me as she pulled away and held onto my hands. "But you'll be okay, darling."

I didn't want to tell her that I was still seeing Zayn because I didn't think that she would understand what it was that I was doing, but I always appreciated her guidance anyway. Somehow her telling me that I would be okay made me believe that she was right.

That night on Christmas Eve I had my phone nearby just waiting for Zayn to text me. Camille was in the bathroom taking a shower while I laid in bed, my arms folded across my chest, just staring at the ceiling. Then I heard my phone buzz.

Zayn: Merry Xmas.. miss you x

She exited the bathroom in nothing but the Fleetwood Mac shirt that I had been wearing the first time we met, her hair wet and pulled up in a clip.

"Do you think it went well?" she questioned, crawling into the space beside me in bed.

"Of course. They think you're amazing."

She smiled and nestled her head into the pillow.

"And what do you think?"

"I'd have to agree," I answered, returning her smile.

But I could tell in her eyes that there was more.

"I think I'm starting to fall for you," Camille said quietly, looking down as if she was ashamed of what she had just said.

I rubbed my hand on top of hers with this pain in my heart as if I was using her and she was just letting me and I didn't like this feeling at all, because that's not how I felt.

"Camille..."

Her blue eyes looked up, meeting mine.

"I know, I'm sorry. I knew what I was getting myself into from that first night. You're not emotionally ready but I just...I didn't expect to like you this much."

"Camille," I started again, trying to figure out how I was going to put this delicately. "I care so much about you. I love having you around. Please don't think I don't."

"But you aren't falling for me..."

"I don't know," I answered, fumbling in my head with the right words to say. "But what I do know is that I don't want to lose you."

I really didn't. I hardly ever got to see Zayn and maybe it was selfish of me to want both him and Camille and maybe it was unfair to her to feel inferior. I respected her too much to hurt her and I started to get anxious.

"You are still seeing him, aren't you?"

My heart sank. I had never actually come out and told her about this. She knew that I still loved Zayn, but I never told her that I was still seeing him and I never even told her who he was. I had just hoped that she knew and we wouldn't have to actually talk about it, but I was wrong.

"Not a lot...just sometimes."

"Does he have a girlfriend too?"

"Yes."

Camille nodded slowly.

"So you can't be together because...you can't be out, is that what's happening?"

"Something like that," I responded.

There was a moment of silence between us and I didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. I was afraid that she would get angry and fight with me and the entire holiday would be ruined, but that's not what happened.

"So you need me," Camille finally spoke, looking at me again and placing her hand on top of mine, rubbing it softly.

"I...yeah, I think I do," I replied, realizing it in that moment.

Just the split second thought of not having her in my life anymore made me feel incredibly sad. Ever since she came into my life I had been much happier. I relied on her more than I thought and seeing her reaction to the whole thing was the most pleasant surprise. She really understood me.

Camille leaned in and kissed me, her hand moving from under mine to hold the side of my face.

"It's hard not to fall for you Harry, but I can see why he did," she said, pulling away.

"If I'm only going to end up hurting you then I don't want you to stay with me. You deserve better."

"You won't hurt me," Camille responded. "Lies hurt people and the truth sets you free. Don't you feel better for telling me?"

She was right. I felt like a weight had just been lifted off my shoulders.

"I actually do feel much better."

"I'll be here with you so long as you want me around, but be more open. Be vulnerable. Be yourself. I can see you breaking through these walls more each time and I think it's beautiful."

I looked into her eyes as she said that and started to feel emotional. I don't know what it was about her, or why she had been brought to me, but what I did know was that her place in my world had meaning.

"How are you this understanding?"

"People are complicated. Love is complicated. Relationships are complicated. Life is complicated. If you just look at everything as some black and white situation, then you lose a lot of your ability to understand things," she explained.

"I admire you."

"As you should," she replied, giggling.

She then proceeded to lift herself up from the bed and grabbed hold of her phone and put on a song.

"Do you know this song?" she asked as she started playing Stephen Stills, always reminding me of her good taste in music.

"I do know this song."

"This is the vibe, baby."

We laid in bed on Christmas Eve singing this song together and in that moment I realized that Camille Rowe would end up being one of the most special people to ever walk into my life.