Your Creation • Zarry

71. So kiss him again

May 2018

"Sweet Creature," I sang as my voice slightly trembled. "Had another talk about where it's going wrong..."

I was really trying so hard to get through this sound check in Manila, but I could feel myself on the verge of breaking down every time I uttered a word. I can do this, I can do this, I just kept telling myself over and over again in my head as I sang.

"But we're still young. We don't know where we're going but we know where we belong..."

I can do this.

"Oh we started two hearts in one home. It's hard when we argue, we're both stubborn I know, but oh...sweet creature, sweet creature, wherever I go...you bring me home. Sweet creature, sweet creature, when I run out of road you bring me..."

Too late, I didn't even finish the last word and I already felt the tear drop down my cheek and I looked down, stepping away from the mic.

"You okay man?" Mitch asked as the band stopped playing and I knelt down on the stage, my head in my hands.

"Yeah just give me a second," I replied as I suddenly smelt the scent of Dior perfume followed by arms wrapping around me.

"My chérie," Camille said softly into my ear, kissing the top of my head. "I'm here. Just breathe."

I never learn, I've been here before.

July 2014

I was in the middle of an incredibly intense game of ping pong against Louis back stage in Germany during our Where We Are tour and I was winning, as usual.

"I hate playing against you mate," Louis said, sailing the ball towards me as I batted it back to him in a flash and he missed.

"Don't be such a sore loser," I replied, grinning.

"Calm down Per, I can't hear you. Stop crying so I can understand you," Zayn said in the background as he was pacing around on the phone.

I stopped and looked over at him, watching as he held a finger up at me indicating that he was busy. Ugh, busy talking to Perrie. My least favorite thing in the world.

"What do you mean cancelled? Why?"

"It'll be okay, relax. So what's the plan now?"

"Just say that then. They'll understand."

"Exactly. Alright, I've got to go but I'll talk to you later. Say hi to the girls for me. Okay. Yep, love you too. Bye."

Zayn sighed and ended the call, plopping down in a chair. He rubbed his forehead and looked a bit stressed.

"Everything alright?" Louis asked as he walked over to Zayn.

"Perrie's just said that Little Mix had to cancel their whole US tour."

"Oh shit, why? What happened?" questioned Louis, tossing the ping pong ball in the air.

"Low ticket sales," he responded. "But they're just going to say that they're postponing the tour to work on the album."

I just stood there by the tables staying quiet because I loathed talking about Perrie. It was something that Zayn and I never did, so he typically vented about it to Louis. I wanted to be there for Zayn as a friend but we weren't just friends anymore. It was too hard for me at that point to know what they were doing. I couldn't hear about their issues and I didn't want to see them together.

Zayn flew out to London to see Perrie a week later on the only day we had off and I was pretty fucking pissed, not going to lie. I knew that he hadn't seen her in months, but it was our one day off. It was the one and only time that we could have laid in bed eating vanilla ice cream and doing nothing but no, Zayn chose to go see her, and before he left to catch his flight he told me that he felt obligated because it had been too long and it was her birthday so I didn't make a fuss about it but deep down I was upset.