Your Creation • Zarry

58. You flower you feast

May 2017

This was the week I had been waiting for, the promo week of my album drop and I was beyond busy, but at least I was back in New York City again. I was doing tons of interviews, I had just performed some songs at The Today Show and I had already released "Sweet Creature" as a promotional single and while the whole world wanted to know exactly who my sweet creature was, only he knew.

There could have been some fans out there that connected the dots since I tended to get examined by 'shippers,' but I knew that most people believed everything that they read and saw, most people geared towards what the popular narrative was or what the media told them to think, but as a song writer, there was no other way for me to be but honest and everything I had said in "Sweet Creature" was what I really wanted Zayn to know.

He brought me home.

I remember when I played that song for my Mum for the first time awhile back, which was the very first song I ever wrote for the album and she cried hearing it and when I had asked her why she was crying she told me that she could feel how much I loved him, yet I had never told her about Zayn. But somehow she still knew.

I was stood on a corner in Soho looking down at my phone at a text from Zayn and I could sense people taking pictures of me. If only they knew who I was talking to.

Zayn: I can swing by tomorrow nite..

Me: If I'm not there yet you can just let yourself in. Just make sure no one sees you.

I had made Zayn a spare key to my Tribeca apartment last month when I went back to New York briefly, but by now the news was already making its way around that I secretly bought an apartment there and now we were back to being extra careful.

Some things just never changed.

Zayn didn't have his own place in the city and I had wanted him to be able to go to mine if he wanted to or if I wasn't around quite yet, to wait for me, to get away, in some kind of attempt at rebuilding our bond and his trust. I was trying.

The following day my album was out everywhere and I just named it "Harry Styles" because I needed people to know that this is me now and this is what I have to say. The reception from the world was so incredible and I couldn't have been more satisfied with how things were turning out.

I celebrated with an album release party at Rough Trade in Brooklyn with some of the fans that Friday, sang happy birthday to an eight year old girl named Sienna, talked about making the album in Jamaica, the process, the people I worked with, and did my first ever stage dive which I will probably never do again.

I was on such an incredible high as I made my way back to my apartment later that night, eager to see Zayn and I shot him a quick text.

Me: Come by whenever you can, I'll be here.

Zayn: Alright be there soon.. x

What I didn't expect to see when I walked inside my apartment was the entire place decked out with dozens and dozens of flowers - red roses, white roses, daisies, sunflowers, lilies, literally sprawled out in vases everywhere I looked. I walked over to my kitchen to see a giant Feng Shui crystal lotus flower in the middle of my table, a bottle of Absinthe, sparkling wine and a vinyl record of Blue by Joni Mitchell.

And then Zayn emerged from my hallway wearing a black beanie matching a pair of black skinny jeans and my old Rolling Stones t-shirt that he had never given back to me.

"Congratulations on the album."

"I...you did all this?" I asked in complete and utter shock.

"Nah it was like this when I got here. Must have been someone else," he joked, smiling softly as he walked toward me.

I reached out and drew Zayn in, hugging him close and I felt like my face was going to hurt from smiling this much.

"Zayn...this is so incredibly sweet of you."

"I am sweet aren't I," he responded.

"Like honey."

We pulled away from each other and he leaned in, giving me a soft kiss on the lips, then my fore head and he lifted his hand up to remove the cap I was wearing, stroking my hair gently.

"Tell me about the album release. How did it go?"

So we sat down at the kitchen table drinking Death in the Nights, that old poison we once loved long ago in Vegas, talking about my album, the show, and reminding me that in Zayn I still had a best friend who listened, who cared, and that's who he always was to me first and foremost.

Later into the night we laid on the floor of my living room with throw pillows, lit some incense and put on Blue by Joni Mitchell, which was probably one of my favorite albums ever, and it was just like Zayn to remember those little things.

"I have a question," I said, turning to face him.

"I may have an answer."

"What the hell is up with Like I Would?"

"I mean there's really no other way to interpret it. I said what I said," Zayn replied flatly, his arms folded behind his head.

"You really think I'm cold hearted?"

"Well you did kind of act like you hated me with a burning passion."

"I was just bitter."

"I know that."

"Who did you think I was fucking?"

"Xander..."

I started laughing.

"I never had sex with Xander. You really believed all those rumors? He's just a friend."

"Well you were with him all the bloody time and that's what everyone was saying, what else was I supposed to think?"

"You were jealous..." I teased him, sticking my tongue out in his direction.

"Only letting you know the truth just in case you forgot."

I rolled over on my side and leaned my head in my open palm, admiring his side profile and smirking to myself.

"Sounds a bit possessive to me."

He turned his head and met my green eyes which widened and I already knew where this was going. Before I knew it Zayn had me pinned to the ground, his body on top of mine, holding my wrists to the floor as his face loomed above me, staring straight into my soul.

"You used to like it."

"And what if I don't?"

"You've always been a bad liar."

What started as the two of us intensely making out quickly escalated and next thing I knew we were both naked and Zayn's cock was slamming into me, my moans so loud that they were echoing across the room, my hand clutched onto the pillow on the floor beside me while my other hand jerked myself off until we both came at the same time. Like I said, some things never changed.

As the night got later I felt the energy between us shift like it had done every time since we reconnected. It was this somber energy now that just hung in the air, this impending hourglass of doom, just knowing we were approaching that inevitable moment where we would part again and go without seeing each other for another month.

We found ourselves wrapped up in our tight hug once more, holding each other as close as we could before I knew Zayn would leave and I would hop on my plane back to London in the morning and we would return back to our other normal lives.

"Zayn..." I spoke softly.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for tonight. It really meant a lot to me."

"You really mean a lot to me," he answered, slowly withdrawing himself from our embrace and looked fondly into my eyes one last time, his face soft and sincere.

"I never stopped loving you."