Your Creation • Zarry

75. The garden

June 2018

Me: Tonight's the night!

Zayn: I can't wait to finally see it

I couldn't have been any more excited for this day. I had been waiting for it all month long and it was the one and only thing that was on my mind most of the time. Madison Square Garden had such special memories for me dating back to One Direction. The first time we ever played there was a night like no other. It was when we realized that we made it as a band and I'll never forget how nervous Zayn was before that show. He had felt sick to his stomach and I was back stage, hyping him up and trying to settle his nerves before we went out, but once we were done he was the happiest I had ever seen him. Zayn was so proud, elated, and we ran around the whole venue just shouting at the top of our lungs, celebrating such an incredible feat. And now I was right back there in that same venue again, except this time I was solo, but it was the first show of mine that Zayn was actually going to witness.

We had orchestrated this plan quite well, actually. Zayn had been saying for the last few weeks how he was dying to see my show and that he couldn't handle not being able to see at least one before my tour ended in a few weeks. So it had to happen. I had to make it happen. We figured out that the only realistic way he could even see the show was from the shadows of the VIP box up above, so no one would know he was there, and the private entrance to the box was laid out so that he could maneuver up there from the back stage area without being seen.

I also had a special plan for this show as well, and with the help from my opener, Kacey Musgraves, I was going to make sure that this was one that neither of us would ever forget. It was my most romantic gesture that I could have possibly thought of and I just couldn't wait for that moment on stage.

For the last month and a half I had been working really hard on trying my absolute best to accept our situation as it is, even though I wanted more from it. I made myself as available to him as I could and tried not to add on any additional stress to our relationship dynamic just hoping that he would be happier and hoping that maybe, just maybe, he would see that we could actually be something great if he took the chance. I only ever wanted him to know how much I loved him.

So that night on the B stage I sang my heart out and kept looking up at the VIP box during "Sweet Creature" and "If I Could Fly." I was so overcome with emotion, feeling every word I sang like it was the first time I ever wrote it, just looking up at him often and hoping that he was listening to my heart.

Everything was for Zayn.

Then the time finally came when my surprise happened and onto the stage walked Kacey and we started up the music.

"Looks like we made it...look how far we've come my baby. We might have took the long way. We knew we'd get there someday..." she began in that beautiful angelic voice of hers.

"You're still the one. You're still the one I run to, the one that I belong to, you're still the one I want for life..."

"Still the One" was the only song that I could have ever chosen to sing on that night because it was very special to me, to Zayn, and to us, and I was over the moon just knowing that he was there to witness it live coming right from my soul. I noticed that he had left before the show was even over, and I understood why. I knew he was going to sneak out before crowds started to form and it had to be that way, but as soon as I got back stage I checked my phone to see if he had left me any messages.

Zayn: I'm so proud of you.. you were amazing and I love you very much x

I was grinning at my phone like a complete idiot when my manager Jeff walked up to me and squeezed my shoulders knowingly.

"Nice job, H. It went well I think. Let's go celebrate with some drinks in a bit," he said to me.

"Thanks Jeff and yeah sounds good, just give me a bit to get my shit together."

I started taking my suit off and slipped on a pair of plaid trousers along with a white t-shirt when Camille walked into the dressing room.

"You coming out with us for drinks?" I asked, slipping on my loafers.

"I'm actually going to go see some friends in the city tonight since I'm here, if you don't mind," she answered.

"Really? Okay, well then I'll see you later I guess."

I was a little surprised that she wasn't going to hang out with us after the show, seeing as how she could have invited her friends, and seeing as how I saw her in the crowd and she seemed to be having such a good time, but it also hadn't dawned on me then that maybe she noticed I was directing my attention somewhere else on stage and wasn't feeling too great about it.

Xander, Jeff, Mitch, Sarah, the rest of my band mates as well as some members from my team all joined me and we went out to the Marquee late into the night and surprisingly managed to go unnoticed, which was even better. We spent the night drinking and just hanging back in the VIP area for a few hours as I downed shots of tequila and danced, and since I didn't have a show the following day, we left at around three in the morning.

"Jeeefffreeyyyy," I slurred, hopping into the back seat of the car.

"Harrrryyyy," he mocked back, shutting the door.

"Can you drop me off somewhere?"

"Uh oh," Xander said beside me, already knowing what I meant. "But it's late, you should just turn in. You don't need to show up to his apartment drunk at three in the morning."

"You don't understand though. That's something that I would do. It's kind of a thing. He'll be expecting me," I replied, drunk and completely sure of this. "Trust me."

"I don't know about this H..." Jeff said, starting up the car.

"Jeffrey, just drive there."

So Jeff drove me to Zayn's apartment, which I hadn't been to yet, but I still knew where the building was. Of course it was pretty late and I was buzzing from the tequila, but going against my friends' better judgment calls because it was hard to convince me not to do something when that's all I really wanted to do, was the exact thing that I was doing and nobody could tell me otherwise. I got out of the car once we arrived there and quickly dashed inside the Soho building. As I made my way to the elevator I started frantically pushing the button for the doors to open so I could make it safely inside, unseen, and on my way up to his 10 million dollar penthouse, but when the doors opened Gigi was already standing inside.

"Oh..." I said, taking a step back and feeling my heart sink.

"Hi?" she questioned, looking confused.

"Shit."