Iantos grief

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Ianto snuck away as best he could shutting himself in jacks office as he slid down the door head in his hands. He allowed himself a quick cry for no more that five minutes (timed on with stopwatch of course) and he finally looked up. Noticing one of jacks shirts strewn over his office chair, he stood up and made his way to it smiling at the memories behind it. He sank into the soft leather of jacks chair and held the shirt that was now in his hands up to his cheek feeling the soft material bless his skin the way jack once did. He turned his head to inhale jacks scent. BIG MISTAKE. This time he didn't even try to stop the waterfall from cascading over his cheeks as he sobbed into jacks shirt. He hated not knowing where jack was or if he was alive, of course ianto knew jack couldn't die but even so every time Ianto watched the life drain from his lover he couldn't help but think what if this is it, what if this is the day that jacks luck runs out.

Ianto stayed in that position for god knows how long before he reached out a shaking hand to the draw, he knew what was in there. Jacks diary. Ianto had never actually read jacks diary, he did respect boundary's but he just had to know now that he wasn't sure if jack was coming back. Ianto started from the date he joined torchwood 'me again, when is it not. Recruited that guy who was pestering me today, ianto, I think his name is. And, I won't deny it he is gorgeous but he doesn't seem to be interested. Now that is a first.' Ianto speed read his way through the rest of the diary noticing how jack has started referring to ianto as 'HIM' in all capital letters. Ianto was about to close the book when one particularly short entry took his interest "dear diary, I'm scared. I think I've fallen in love with HIM.". Ianto bit his bottom lip until he thought it might bleed but that didn't stop the tears from flowing. He cried for another half an hour, he had never properly told jack how much he really loved him and now he was gone and might never see ianto ever again.

————— time skip to an hour later—————

Ianto briskly walked out of jacks office. "Where are you going?" Tosh called out to him as he put on his coat. "Out" he replied bluntly before stepping out into the biting cold air. Back in the hub Owen muttered four words he would later regret "out?! Bloody helpful innit?".

Ianto rushed round town until he found it. The club. He nodded to the bouncer as he flashed his id and sauntered in. Immediately baffled by the noise, ianto ordered his drink letting the alcohol numb his pain with every sip. "Let me buy you a drink" a flirtatious voice came from behind him. Ianto spun round to find a man fairly tall and actually very attractive looking his mop of auburn hair flopping over his forehead slightly in the heat of the club his freckles visible only as the lights flashed onto him. "Thanks but I've actually got a ....oh" ianto tried to explain that he already had a drink, that was until he looked down and realised he had (in fact) drunk it all in almost two sips. The man laughed and ordered them both a drink "tough day?" He said as he handed the drink to ianto
"You could say that" ianto replied his voice muffled by the music.
"Well" the man said with a wink "we'll have to change that won't we .. my names luke by the way what yours"
Ianto stuttered slightly "I Um ... ianto ...sorry".

Luke and ianto danced and laughed. Well like laughed ianto smiled politely through most of it still maybe he did have to forget jack to get on with life he knew jack would be forgetting him straight away. Before ianto knew it lukes lips were on his and ianto had to admit, it felt nice to be kissed and held again. However as they stumbles out the doors of the club and down an alleyway, ianto realised, it felt wrong all of it his hands were to small and his hold too rough yet not rough enough. His lips were too soft and he smelt all wrong he smelt soft like powdered makeup and soap not sharp and smokey like oak and passion. Luke was wrong, because he wasn't jack. Ianto pulled away from the heated kiss with a gasp "I'm sorry" he managed to slur before drunkenly rushing away only now realising just how much he'd had to drink. His mind was set back on jack as the tears fell from his eyes, streaming down his face. His vision was blurred and he didn't quite look as he crossed the road, and then he felt it. A jolt of pain shot through his body like a clap of thunder as he heard the sound of screeching tyres and smelt the nose prickling smell of burning rubber in concrete before he felt himself falling into a world of blackness.

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Dedicated to my friend Adina. How's that for emotion 😂 ~daisy

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