sanemi, finding himself in a sea of clouds: where tf
god: ah, shinazugawa sanemi... you have arrived.
sanemi:
sanemi: you kinda look like the dude in those christian posters, so you're probably god, and this is heaven.
god: yes.
sanemi: so i'm dead, huh
god: yes.
sanemi:
sanemi: meh, well, i did sign up for it when i joined the corps.
god: yes. you fought hard, shinazugawa sanemi. and because of that, i will give you an adequate reward in my kingdom.
god: welcome... *lights start flashing behind him* to the ohagi paradise
sanemi: *gasp*
ohagi paradise: *exists*
sanemi spent hours upon hours wandering the ohagi paradise; eating from giant sweets, making friends with small creatures called ohagangsters from the ohagang, and arriving, finally, to something they called the ohagi castle.
sanemi: yo this shit is crazy
ohagangster #1: try going in.
sanemi: sure bro
sanemi stands outside the enormous marble doors and feels a sort of cold air coming from the gap.
『go in』
『don't go in』
naturally, since he was already dead, he chose to wing it and went in. what greeted him there was...
???: welcome, welcome! to the ohagi castle...
sanemi: cool. where do i bunk
???:
???: ok, here's a room key. just take a turn down the left once you get to the second floor. 3rd room after the pink tree.
sanemi: there's a tree in the hallway?
???: looks aesthetic. *throws key down from the shadows* oh, and, uh, turn the lights on 5 seconds after i say "GO". the breaker is in the storeroom.
sanemi: where's the storeroom
???: door in the kitchen.
sanemi: where's the kitchen
???: ... east from where you're standing.
sanemi: aight man, thanks.
???: ... m-MWAHAHA GO
sanemi: s'aight man, you can take your time running. i'm not going to rush to the kitchen anyways.
???: oh... is that so? well, if you insist...
sanemi takes his sweet time going to the kitchen and lifting the lever on the breaker. the lights in the castle immediately went on, and even the candles lit up. he didn't question it, for this was ohagi paradise, and in ohagi paradise, everything was possible. sanemi proceeded to unlock his room.
when he got there, though, he found a giant ohagi with arms and legs on top of his supposed-to-be bed.
sanemi: uh
sanemi: did that guy give me the wrong key, i wonder?
giant ohagi: chOtTo MatTeEyYy (reading in a flashy "foreigner" accent recommended for the best experience)
sanemi:
giant ohagi: i am a creature brought unto this paradise by god, who knows you desire more than ordinary ohagi.
giant ohagi: i proudly proclaim that i...
giant ohagi: *faces front*
sanemi: *horrified expression*
giant ohagi, turns out to be giyuu in an ohagi costume: am an ohagiyuu...
ohagiyuu: *winks* for you～
echoes: for you you you you ou u
sanemi: GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE
sanemi: *wakes up screaming bloody murder*
giyuu, his roommate: um
sanemi: YOU ARE THE LAST THING I WANT TO SEE; I KINDLY ASK YOU TO PLEASE GET THE FUCK OUT OR ELSE I WILL BLOW UP THIS DORMITORY AND I AM NOT EVEN JOKING
giyuu, terrified, exiting the room with his back bent in horror as sanemi shreds his pillow with his teeth:
YOU ARE READING
kimetsu no yaiba | | random texts
Random"it's not like a random arm will go through my chest, right? HA HA HA"
