[DISCONTINUED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE] BLUSH BLUSH Oneshots!

Nightmare Gay

I wanted to do something for April Fools-

Kelby: I had this weird dream, man. And yanno how you, like, have a nightmare and it's so intense, even your leg tries to wake you up?

Kelby: Your leg's like "GET UP!" Your leg kicks awake.  And you wake up.

Kelby: I- this was the dream right. I was being chased by a giant crab

Anon: *laughs*

Kelby: It's not funny.

Anon: *laughs some more*

Kelby: This huge like 50 foot crab. He was chasing me down a beach and he was doing that crab run where he was like: *makes incoherent crab noise*

Anon: *lies on the ground laughing*

Kelby: and snapping at me with his little snappers! And he was all night long *crab noises* he was trucking. He was doing like 100 miles an hour! 

Kelby: You know like when you're being chased by a killer or a beast?? In the dream they can run as fast as they want but you can't fucking- You're like AH COME ON I CAN'T MOVE!

Kelby: But the fucking crab is like eh *more crab noises* and his eyes were up here *points to the top of his head* Had lightning shooting out of its eyes and he was wearing little loafers or something.

Kelby: I dunno. Oh my leg just fucking went "GET UP!" And I woke up for like a second and they I went right back into the fucking dream.

Kelby: Which only happens with a nightmare! You never like wake up like yanno it's like if you're having sex with Cindy Crawford. You know how you like wake up and you pretend you're not awake? Yanno? Try to trick yourself.

Kelby: Oh no! I'm not awake I'm in Cancun with Cindy. NOOO! But I fell back into the into the dream and the crab was like waiting for me! He was like UGH SKSKSKSKSKSK! And i was like NOT AGAIN! All night long!

Anon: *is fucking dying of laughter*

Kelby: And then I woke up and I called my buddy Ichiban. Yanoo I had to tell somebody like he picks up the phone.... I'm like "Dude I had the weirdest dream last night." And he goes all concerned

Ichiban: "What was you dream?"

Kelby: I go "I was being chased by a giant crab."

Ichiban: "What?! Dude What?!"

Kelby: All the sudden he's like 

Ichiban: "Hold on!"

Kelby: And I hear like pages-

Ichiban: *flip flip*

Kelby: OK I go dude what are you doing?

Ichiban: "I have a dream book. I'm looking up crabs to see what they represent in my dream book."

Kelby: Right so all the sudden he goes like this

Ichiban: "Dude, Crabs! Hold on Crabs. Uh crab... um uh it represents... Dude you're gay! That's why you were running away cuz a crab represents sexuality cuz it doesn't know which way it fucking goes- And that's why you ran away. You were running away from your gayness!"

Kelby: I said what about the lightning?

Ichiban: "Uh emphasizes the gay! That's what it says if there's lighting around the crab you're  super gay! That's what it says here. Super gay. He wasn't wearing loafers was he? OH NO! Cuz that would mean you were mega ultron gay like a superhero gay!

Anon: I'm fucking crying-

-the2tailedfoxy