Look After You- Niam Horayne

Roses- Chapter 33

Niall's POV

I stared at the large cemetery full of headstones and flowers. Full of dead people, who had family and friends. A large percentage of these people must've been too young to die; a few babies even. Children. Mothers, fathers, grandparents...

I knew where she was. I hadn't been here since the funeral, but I still remembered where we buried her coffin. Right in the corner, next to a five year old girl called... Charlotte? Charlene? Charley. Charley Buckling. My mind wandered to my mothers funeral, and how my father's' hand clasped around my shoulder in a fake comfort. I shivered, feeling the touch.

I felt a little better when Liam's hand grasped mine gently, and gazed into his liquid chocolate eyes. He was smiling sadly, and he was staring at the hundreds of graves scattered everywhere. He took a deep breath and murmured, "It sucks."

"Huh?" I whispered back, like the dead couldn't stand loud noises. It was ridiculous. They were dead, for goodness sake. I used to pretend my mother was in the sky, but now I realised how pathetic I'd been. They were in the ground, and their body's were decomposed. They were nothing but an odd amount of bones buried six feet under. At least that's what I thought when I remembered my father's death.

Liam shook his head. "Death sucks. Are you ready to see your mum?" He muttered, wrapping his arm around my waist.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I replied shakily.

"Do you remember where she, um, is?" He asked uncomfortably, shifting in his position. I laughed inwardly at the nervousness of his voice. He was afraid of saying something to offend me. Sure, this was a big deal, but I'd lived with her death long enough to not have some breakdown.

I'd pushed away my bipolar diagnosis to focus on my mum. I had to control myself now, and ignore the stabbing pain when I recalled the memory of her dying. Of her murder. Of my witnessing. It was too much, and I just wanted to forget how she died and remember her life.

"Yeah, in the left hand corner at the top." I spoke more confidently, clearing my throat of the bile which was arising. I needed to keep calm, or else I wouldn't be able to go through with this. I just felt like I needed to do this, maybe for closure, or for reassurance. It was okay, because my father had been cremated and his ashes were kept by his best friend Mark. Who knows where the remains of my Dad was now? I didn't care.

Liam and I walked hand-in-hand up the hill. Headstones were everywhere, names printed and dates scorched into the heavy granite. It was chilling to see just how many there were here, and the amount of dead people who hadn't been visited in years. Who didn't have any flowers around them. But then again, it occurred to me that my mother was never visited once.

When we got there, I felt my heart thump harder. There she was. The gravestone was there- dark grey- with Maura Horan printed on. The date she was born and the date she died was there, in unclear gold writing. The part where her body was was scattered around with blue-grey stone, and I noticed a dandelion poking up beneath it. A weed. Shit.

"We should've bought flowers..." I whispered, shaking my head. "Roses were her favourite... Bright red, I remember. They were the flowers she had on her wedding day... She still loved him. Even when he beat her, she still loved him..."

I was babbling, but Liam's fingers curled around my waist as I spoke quickly. "Ni... Hey, how about I pop down to Frank's Flowers and pick up a dozen roses whilst you have some time with your mum?" He suggested, his eyebrows raised.

"Really?" I asked, surprised. I'd have assumed he'd be too clingy after my diagnosis. That he'd be frightened that I'd have another episode, just like the other day. But he seemed to trust me enough to leave me by myself, surrounded by dead people. Huh. Smart.