Five stages of grief; taegguk

DENIAL -10-

Dear Snowflake!

My geography test is coming up so I'm cocooned in my bed for most of the day. The curtains are drawn together, the air is stuffy and I haven't changed my bed sheets for the last three weeks.

I guess we could say I'm gross, lol.

(I'm sorry for the amount of 'lol's I'll be including in my letters from now on. Jimin's awkward speech habits are rubbing off on me, unfortunately.)

I'm so stressed right now - I still have 46 pages of my notebook to go through. I truly hate loathe despise geography! Why on earth do I need to know where Slovenia is if I'm never going to go there? It's just pointless. A waste of my time.

Not to mention that every time I open my laptop to study, the icon of Netflix seems just so inviting, like cake when I'm on a diet. We both know I have no self-control, baby, I'm pretty hopeless, aren't I?

I'm sure you wouldn't agree with me, and if you were to be here right now, you'd run me a warm vanilla-smelling bath, buy me donuts and sing me a silly song of how wonderful I am, using dumb rhymes that don't make sense in any way.

Gosh, I miss you so much. Writing this makes me miss you even more.

If my heart aches and protests so much just when you're in a coma and bound to come back to me, what would it feel like if you died?

I hope I'm not jinxing myself but I feel like it had to be said. You know how my mental condition was before we started dating, baby, you spent so much time trying to fix me with your gentle fingers, only to get too involved, only to cut yourself on the pieces. I'm so sorry. Maybe if I wasn't a part of your life, this wouldn't have happened.

You made me so happy. You make me happy.

Right now, no thoughts of killing myself are making its way into my brain whatsoever, in fact, I rarely even think of death. It's hard to consider it when I have so much here now, when I know you'd be heartbroken if you woke up only to discover I'm no longer here. I'm alive because of you, Jungkookie.

Anyways, to end this letter on a more enthusiastic note- today, I received a call from your brother Namjoon. I told him about Jimin and Hoseok and my struggles with the studies. He seemed awfully quiet today but it's okay- I know it must be hard for him too, especially since he and Jin broke up recently :(

Here's what happened then - I think I fainted or something? Your brother was telling me something and then I just fell down and woke up a few minutes later with my head in Jin's lap and a wet cloth glued to my forehead. Jin was crying (he probably thought I was dead, lol) and Namjoon was no longer on the line. Funny, right?

Even funnier since I don't remember a word of what your brother told me before it happened. I'm sure you would've found it hilarious, baby.

It must be because of geography, I tell you. Come to think of it, I don't actually remember the last time I've got a taste of water or any type of food. Jin looked at me oddly when I laughed, scolded me when I told him about my eating habits, frowned when I mentioned I don't remember a thing, and then retreated to his room with shaking shoulders.

I pity him so much but it was too funny. I couldn't stop laughing. Maybe I'm going mad.

Wish you were here to see it, I miss you,

TaeTae