Five stages of grief; taegguk

BARGAINING -10-

Dear Snowflake!

Hey, I know it's been a week since I last sat down and wrote to you but my life is kind of falling apart right now, and though I clumsily try, it's hard to stand on my feet.

I'm moving to Japan tomorrow. 

Mom's filled the divorce papers and she's taking me and Jin to a place near Kamikochi (that's Japanese countryside if I understood correctly), tucked away from the outside world and the only chance to escape being a public bus service that's a good 20 minutes walk away.

Mom says I shouldn't worry because her friend, the one that we're moving in with, said you just look across the beautiful wide river and the rest of the world simply fades away.

You'd love it there, honey.

We'd put up tents, right beside the water because you'd believe in what mom's friend told us, and then you'd find adventures, wonders, and allure in every single rock, in every single leaf or piece of grass, just as you always did.

But, unfortunately, I'm not you. And I need ... I just need Jimin and Hoseok and Mr. Min to feel better.

I'm not as free-spirited as you, and neither am I independent or brave. I'm scared, Jungkook, and clumsy.

I don't know if I can lose them too. 

But mom's going through a lot right now and I don't think this is the right moment to be selfish, to only think of what's best for me. She needs space and quiet once for a change.

I'm really proud of her, you know, for walking away. Not a lot of women are capable of doing that. I just hope she'll find what she's looking for in the mountains of Kamikochi.

She said it's just temporary the last time we talked. She hugged me and rubbed my back in big comforting circles as she told me about the animals and nature I'll see there, of the friends I'll meet. Crying little by little, she mumbled she's planning on moving to Thailand in a year or two because she's always dreamed of living on a river, surrounded by nothing and no one. Said it will be my choice then whether to follow her there or not.

I cried with her because the truth was, ever so ugly, she is the only stable thing I still have.

We're catching a flight at 4 in the morning tomorrow and all of my bags are already packed. There lay your pictures and gifts, the broken balloon you got me for my fifteenth birthday, and the witted rose we stole from your mother's garden.

I'm gonna miss our room. I'm gonna miss you.

I have a feeling something big is coming for me. A change, possibly. Or ...

Tae

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huh, finally, the next 10 chapters will be so easy :))