Five stages of grief; taegguk

ANGER -6-

Snowflake,

Do you know what I hate the most? Do you know what my biggest fear is?

It's walking the same school's corridors we used to walk together, past the same ugly blue lockers with gum stuck on them, under the same sun and the same clouds, the useless trap doors that you used to trip over and the bell that you hated. It's walking without you by my side.

It's showing up only for people to stop once they run into me, saying how sorry they are for my loss, how they can feel my pain. You were apparently a great friend to most of the students, you know that? You were a great student - the teacher that once told you to clean the bathroom with your tongue told me that. Everyone knows you, everyone loved you. There's not a person in this damn school that didn't like you.

And it's funny because ... I thought you said you were being bullied? I thought there were people that used to say you're worthless because you're in love with a boy? Didn't I see you getting beat up with a broom that one time after gym class?

Where are those people now, Jungkookie? Did they die with you?

The thing I hate the most is having strangers shake my hand and squeeze my shoulder and hug me, like they know our story, like it's a fucking trophy worthy heroic act to live through your lover dying. It's like I did a fucking great job at crying. Like I'm a hero for grieving.

I hate it, hate all of it.

It's like you died just so those people would notice me. Your death sure did have a great impact if you forced so many people to apologize to me or approach me.

Now I'm a hero. Yay. Prepare a medal, a fucking banquet, I'm your local savior. The boy whose boyfriend died at the age of 17. Applause everyone.

Attention, if you clap loud enough, the circus will continue! This time for free!

I hate so many things, so many people at once, but most of all, when those aren't on my mind, I hate myself absolutely the most. Unconditionally.

Taehyung