Five stages of grief; taegguk

DEPRESSION -10-

Little Jungkookie,

Park Jimin and his crew returned home after three short days of their visit this morning, and slowly the laughter in our house's corridors is turning to silence.

Smiles to grimaces, jokes to goodbyes.

Everything is returning to what it once was, or rather in what it remained all along, well hidden behind his blinding presence.

I can feel it too, the way Japan misses Jimin, so I can hardly imagine how Taehyung feels about it.

However, I am sure about one thing - the boy leaving or not, his stay changed something forever as if the sun of his heart shined so bright upon a flower it is now immortal. 

I do not know where the two of them went each morning or what they were doing, but it did something neither me nor mom could do. The air around us was holding its breath.

Whether Taehyung intends on torturing himself some more by writing letters to a person that no longer lives or not, I have no clue, regardless, this is my last letter to you, baby brother. 

I've counted the letters Tae has written you and reached the number 40, only 5 of which are mine and I'm sorry for the both of us because there are just so many things I wish to say to you and I probably never will. But there are also things I needed to tell your brother once yet he shut his ears and pretended he didn't hear it.

Sometimes words and the feelings in them are better left unspoken.

It makes me rather bitter for I know Taehyung doesn't plan on sending all those letters to Canada though every single one of them has the address written neatly at front. It is not because he sees no sense in it but I think because he'd be heartbroken if they would be sent back, unopened, undelivered.

He knows you're dead. It would be simply too painful to hear it in a form so bold, again, merciless. 

I just hope he finds something that can cover up the sorrow and wanton; the hole he has in his life today.

As for you, little one, I'll see you up there someday, when the time is right and those invoiced words bloom flowers on my tongue, suffocating me. I'll see you in your most beautiful form, with a tiny smile that allows your teeth to poke in between your lips ... And I'll hug you then, so tight I will once again remember how it felt like all those years ago when we last met.

So long,

your hyung :)