Five stages of grief; taegguk

BARGAINING -3-

Dear Jungkook,

I see you everywhere I go.

From the soles of my feet to the very tips of my ears, you are there. You exist in me. All around me too.

I think simply because you died, your entire existence imprinted on my soul, somehow, in a way, in a sense. You are now a part of me.

But even if you weren't, baby, even if my body didn't remember every curve and scar of yours, I really couldn't escape you - you are everywhere outside me as well.

I notice you as you cross the street, rushed and spilling your brewing coffee all over your brand new shirt; and even though I know it isn't you, there's something in that stranger with wandering eyes and a confused step that reminds me of you.

I see you as the sun is setting and I'm sitting on a bench in the hospital's park, beside me a freezing pink-nosed Jimin that's squeaking something about his math's teacher being the most sympathetic human being on earth. 

I see you- the sun reflects you. Somewhere between being completely blinded because of light, and knowing you're gone, I recognize you once again in a person I've never met.

But just as my heart begins to set a different pace, the one it has grown accustomed to since we met, just as my legs demand of me to run into your arms, I realize ...

Those are not the arms that had held me when I was upset. Neither is that the smile you've designed only for me. Are those the legs that ran aside me to escape the rush of the morning hour?

Are those the eyes that loved me beyond words?

In these moments. It's in moments like these.

That it's getting harder and harder to move on.

Yours truly,

Taehyung