Five stages of grief; taegguk

ACCEPTANCE -1-

Jeon Jungkook.

The sun is shining through the window of my bedroom in Japan, bright and warm on my cheeks, as I'm writing this letter to you. 

I am now 19 years old and I think you wouldn't even recognize me if you saw me, after 2 long years, while I'm standing on your doorstep, holding a bunch of flowers; if you were still alive, today would've been our 4th anniversary.

The day is rather pretty, so much that Miri hasn't stopped yapping at me from the front door to take her out - I think I will, maybe half an hour later when I finish writing what was supposed to be written two years ago. 

It's autumn and the days are starting to get much colder, my breath becoming a puff each time I exhale and it reminds me I'm breathing so I forget how to do it, and sometimes in the early mornings, I stay in bed, trying to remember.

Japan countryside is happy in fall, you know, blossoming backward in oranges, fair yellow, dark shades of green, and it's more calming than in the bloom of summer to take a walk by the lake, catching sight of forest creatures that are rushing to get to sleep.

Perhaps I'm the only person in the whole wide world that looks forward to winter, as it may be the reason why I enjoy autumn so much. It feels like coming home after a really long time. 

Winter also means holidays, and though those are not something special for my family right now, it means Jimin and Hoseok are free from university so they can visit me. Most of the time they do that, they stay in a hotel but every once in a while they struggle with tiredness and spend the night in my bed. I think those days are the best. 

On those, we stay in long into the morning, drinking boiling coffee and exchanging stories (some happier than the others).

I and Hoseok are still friends, undoubtedly, but I don't think I'd say we're inseparable, even less so - we can go days and weeks without talking, but once we meet again, it's like we never stopped communicating. Him being a total mystery to me still, he is one of the best people I've ever met - sunny, bright, and lovable. His hair is no longer red and is now dyed light brown, curly, and makes his face even prettier than ever. He has his first child on the way, at the budding age of 22.

I have yet to meet his fiance since she is terribly afraid of flying and therefore can't come to Japan (especially not right now, with their son on the way).

They own a dance studio in Seoul together, where they teach children of different ages, and then sometimes insufferable boys like Jimin when he's in a bad mood.

Jimin and Yoongi are no longer in touch. After a short frustrating relationship they had a year and a half ago, everything just went downhill. I don't think love was a problem, no, definitely not, but the age gap between them is often disturbing to other people, and they are both far too sensitive to brush it off, let alone leave in peace. 

They sometimes run into each other, when the days are busy in the city and Jimin's overslept his 76 alarms (again) so he's wearing loose grey sweatpants with a pizza stain at the front and his hair is not properly styled, just swatted aside, which however doesn't stop him from bumping into the older man every single time. It's faith, I often say to him - he doesn't agree.

He says he doesn't want Yoongi to remember him as sloppy as he appears in those mornings.

I'm sure he looks at my best friend as if he holds the stars upon the sky, tiny fingers wrapped around the light like candle glass. He's never looked at him differently.

Seokjin has moved to Tokyo where he finished university, majoring in architecture and science, and now he lives back in Korea but his job is not really static so he travels a lot and often takes me with him. We don't see each other that much but when we do, it's under the bright lights of the Eiffel tower or in the calm romantic atmosphere of Mexico City.