Finding Me In You

17 Her Pain

Yivette Kessler

I waited for his call yesterday. Pero natapos ang araw na hindi ako nakatanggap ng tawag mula sa kaniya. Not even a text. Also, I got my hopes up again for nothing when I read his text yesterday.

"Can I call? I really need you right now..." Heto naman ako at umasang 'happy birthday' ang laman ng text na iyon.

Bahala na nga. I need to focus on my new story. Speaking of which, my editor will join me later to help.

"You look different from yesterday." Kiran. Siya ang naghatid ng Latte ko. Since then, Latte became my favorite coffee.

I smiled to hide my thoughts at laking pasalamat ko dahil umalis siya nang hindi nagtatanong.

I grabbed a book from the compartment below. It's entitled "To Kill a Mockingbird" by Harper Lee.

It's a new genre for me. I started reading it as a reference for my new book since it's my first time in writing its kind.

The story's main point is clear- critisicm and how it should be handled. The events and the content itself will totally help me build my characters.

I drank my coffee and started writing the ideas on my notebook while reading the book at the same time. Few minutes later, nakatanggap ako ng text mula sa editor na nagsasabing nasa café na raw siya. Since this area is discreet from the customers, sinundo ko siya sa entrance.

Busy pa sina Iza sa customers kaya mamaya ko nalang ipapakilala ang editor.

Dumiretso na kami sa pinanggalingan ko. It has a portable table kaya hindi kami nahirapan sa pagsusulat. Kanina ko lang rin iyon nalaman.

Nag-kamustahan kami saglit at dumiretso na sa trabaho. We exchanged ideas and she helped me with understanding the book I used as my reference. Nabasa niya na pala iyon.

Ginugol namin ang buong araw sa pagp-plano ng story. We didn't notice the time at nagulat nalang kami nang magsalita si Dyen, "Kain muna kayo Yivie. Kanina pa kayo nakaupo diyan."

We both went at the kitchen and we joined in their circle. Mukhang tapos na ang trabaho dahil kumakain na sila ng treats ni Iza.

I dragged my editor with me and introduced her. "Siya nga pala, this is Ann Arevalo. She's my editor." everyone smiled at her and gave her the treats.

I'm happy that Ann is so easy-going. Nagtugma sila agad ng mga kaibigan ko.
Except for the guy, Kiran, na umiinom lang ng kape. He usually is the listener in the group. But he talks sometimes.

I was enjoying myself with their chitchat when I felt my phone vibrate. It's a call from Mike.

I excused myself and went back to the reading spot. Hindi ito ganoon kalayo mula sa kitchen pero sapat na ito upang hindi nila marinig ang usapan namin.

"Mike." bungad ko. Mukhang kumakain sila sa labas dahil naririnig ko ang ingay at ang boses ng mga kaband-mates niya. "Hello love!" I guess he's on a good mood. "May nangyari ba?" I asked.

"Mhm. We won the first phase of the contest." he really sounded so happy.

"Wow, congrats! So anong ginagawa niyo ngayon?" Interesado kong sabi. Lahat naman siguro ng mga pangyayari sa buhay niya ay interesado ako. Iyon nga lang, siya ang mukhang hindi na interesado sa akin.

"We're eating dinner at a restaurant." masaya niyang sabi. "Ikaw? Anong ginagawa mo diyan habang wala ako?" well that's a first time since he left. He never asked me kung anong ginagawa ko. It somehow enlightened me.

"Same old things. Writing, reading, and stuffs." I said, looking around the café. Saka ko lang napansin sa nakapatay na ang mga ilaw aside from the coffee bar and the kitchen.

"Oh, that's good." he said. Rinig ko ang tawanan nila sa loob. I feel so wierd. Heto nanaman ang pakiramdam na ito. I suddenly feel like crying. I hate this feeling.

Because no matter how I tell myself that he won't, I always felt like he's gonna leave me in the end. I know, mapapagod rin siya sa relasyon na to. I can literally hear it from his voice- na pagod na siya. And just like me, he's just trying to keep it in.

"Mike. Let's break up. For real, this time." I clenched my fist and walked towards the exit.