I was sat at the hotel bar, sipping a glass of whiskey.
"Y/N, it's late. You have filming early in the morning." Lani spoke as she walked towards me.
I ignored her, trapped in my thoughts.
I heard her sigh as she sat beside me.
"ウォッカ水をください " or "Vodka water, please." She spoke to the bartender.
"Y/N. If you're going to do this, you aren't doing it alone." She said as she grabbed her drink from the bartender.
"Tell me what happened." I didn't speak, swirling the remainder of my drink around in its glass.
"Y/N, stop holding it in. It's going to come out eventually." She spoke.
"Give me the strongest thing you've got." I told the bartender. At least he spoke English.
He gave me something called the Devils brew... idek?
It had ever clear in it, so whatever.
I sipped the drink, once again trapped in my thoughts.
Once I was half way through it, Lani spoke. "Okay, that's enough."
She grabbed me by the arm, taking me upstairs and into our room.
As she started to undress me for bed, tears welled up into my eyes.
Once one fell, she hugged me. "Let it out, Y/N. Let it out." With that I sobbed into her shoulder as she held me, whispering sweet nothings into my ear.
"You're going to be okay, Y/N." She spoke as she laid me down, noticing that I was falling asleep.
Once she tucked me in, she got up with her phone and went out onto the terrace.
With that I fell asleep.
I woke up a few hours later, Lani was in bed and sleeping.
My mind felt as if it would explode from the many thoughts in it.
I got up, slowly not to wake Lani, grabbed my suitcase and locked myself in the bathroom.
With everything going on, I needed to let out my emotions.... but I felt that writing wasn't enough.
Trigger warning.....
I stared at the razor in the shower, contemplating whether or not to grab it.
My mind said yes, but my heart said no.
If I did this, I'd never forgive myself.
But if I did it, I wouldn't be feeling this way...
I had done it once before, just once to test the waters.
I had sworn to myself that I'd never do it again....but that was when I was okay...
Without thinking I smashed the razor onto the ground, watching as the blades separated from the plastic.
"Y/N? You okay in there?" I heard Lani's sleepy voice.
"Yeah... I'm fine. Just dropped something... I'll be out soon." I spoke, trying to get rid of the quivering in my voice.
"Y/N. Hurry up, I don't trust you to be alone right now." I heard her worried voice.
I blocked out her voice as I stared at the blade.
With shaking hands I grabbed it... tugging up my sleeve, exposing my wrist.
I could hear Lani's voice but it sounded distant as I slid the metal against my wrist, watching the blood bubble up, slowly dripping.
I did it once more, this time harder.
One turned to two, two turned to three, and so on...
"Y/N. Open the goddamn door!" I heard Lani shout, and with that I put the three razors in my suitcase, hidden.
I hid the broken plastic, disposing it.
I quickly cleaned my wrists, making it seem like I wasn't just crying.
Trigger warning over...
I grabbed my notebook and pencil and came out.
"God, Lani. I was just writing." I said and pushed past her.
I looked at the time, seeing it was already 6am, I got ready for the first day of filming.
She looked at me for a second, thinking.
I rolled my eyes and got dressed.
Simon wasn't here with us. He had just told us what to do and where to go.
He was back in Miami.
I grabbed my phone, putting it in my pocket, before grabbing the slip of paper that held the address for where we were filming.
When we got there, I was rushed to hair and makeup.
"Do you need anything, Miss Y/N?" A cute girl asked.
I smiled.
"Actually, can I have-"
"If she asks for anything but a water, don't get it for her." I heard a familiar voice.
I looked up to see Demi, a hand rested on her hip.
"Lani, what the hell?!" I shouted at Lani as I glared at her.
"I needed help looking after you, Y/N! I'm terrified that you'd do something to yourself!" Lani shouted back and I balled my fist, bolting out of the room.
I was stopped by Demi's hand around my wrist.
I winced slightly, which made Demi's eyes widen in realization.
With that, she let go. Before she could say anything I rushed out of there, and onto the streets of Tokyo.
