Fall Apart / Post Malone

Chapter 15

Oh shit, it's one of those stories," he laughed nervously as he let go of my hand and grabbed the pack of camels out of his back pocket taking two out.

I took one from him as I put it in between my lips. He held the lighter up for me as I lit it blowing out a puff of smoke, he doing the same.

"So, I've been single about 9 months now and what happened still fucking haunts me and has ruined me both mentally and emotionally."

His eyes met with mine and it felt like they were searching my soul for an easier way to figure out what had happened in my past.

I took another drag, letting out the smoke. Looking down to the ground I started to spill everything that I've only told one other person about.

"So I don't really know how to say this without you thinking I'm the biggest fucking idiot in the world for a multitude of reasons," I said laughing.

"Lex, you can tell me anything. I'm a great listener ask anyone who has been around me" he said as I settled myself back into his side.

"Okay well very long story short. I was in a relationship with Eric for 2 years. I was devoted as shit to this man. Whatever this man wanted I fucking gave him"

I laughed at myself realizing how stupid I was and wondering how I didn't see what was happening earlier now that I was retelling the story.

"I hung out with only his friends and did everything he wanted to do. I had to be around him constantly, but never right next to him. I was there to get him and his friends whatever they needed, but whenever we were in public it was like I didn't exist. He'd see me walking at school and literally walk by me like I wasn't there.

I let out a shaky breath trying to hold it together as I took an extra long drag on my cigarette.

"Lexa you don't have to fin-"

I shook my head.

"No you need to know. Sometimes I act weird or ridiculous because of this asshole. So the more you know about it and why I'm doing it, maybe the more you'll understand"

"He never took me anywhere with him in public. He would call me and tell me to come over and when I'd get there he'd basically tell me he would have to go someplace with his friends. He'd be gone for hours while I sat at his apartment making him dinner, doing his laundry whatever needed to be done. He'd come home we'd have sex until he was satisfied didn't matter if I was or not, then he'd tell me it was time for me to leave and he'd send me home."

"Lexa why would you stay with him? Why would you do that to yourself?" he asked, taking off his hat and running his fingers through his hair.

I could tell he had a mix of emotions rolling through him as I looked into his eyes trying to read them, but the heavy darkness in the van made it impossible.

"Because I loved him, I was head over fucking heels in love with this man, Austin. For every 5 bad things he would do, I would always find 1 good thing that would make me stay."

He remained silent so I continued with my story.

"Our relationship ran like this for 2 years. I'd see him when he wanted, do things when he wanted, and just be around for him to have sex. Well one day I was bored and I thought I'd go over to his apartment and cook him a nice dinner so when he came home from class it would be waiting for him.

"I opened the door and walked in and found him having sex with another girl"

I couldn't hold it in anymore, tears started to flow down my face like a slow moving creek just thawing from the harsh winter freeze.