Fall Apart / Post Malone

Chapter 39

Lexa's POV

I groggily woke up around 1pm after feeling like I slept for 20 minutes instead of seven hours and rolled over on my side. Tears immediately started falling down my face realizing that I was alone, back in my bed in Pittsburgh, without Austin. I wrapped my arms around myself, breathing in the scent of his sweater as the tears started falling faster.

"Hey girl, can I come in?" I heard Rachel say quietly as she knocked on the door.

"Sure," I said not moving an inch.

I felt her come in and sit on the bed next to me, her hand coming up and rubbing my back as she allowed me to lay there and cry my heart out. After what felt like eternity she finally broke the silence.

"It's going to be okay sis, you are going to get through this"

I slowly turned over on my back and used the palms of my hands to wipe at my eyes and nose. Still crying I started to give her my answer.

"That's just it Rachel, I don't want to get through this. I am sick of just getting through things alone. I want to get through this with him, he is the only one that will make this better for me. Despite what happened I still love him so much and if I didn't leave last night, I probably would be right in his bed this morning after having the best make up sex in the world and moving on from what happened" I said taking in shaky breaths.

"Sis, you know in your heart that is the wrong thing to do. Once a cheater always a cheater. I'm sorry, I know it hurts to hear that because you really love him, but its true"

I glared over at her, even though she was my best friend I wanted nothing more than to punch her in the face at her comment. I sat up slowly and stared at her.

"You don't know him like I do Rachel! You don't know what he has fucking been through! The way he acts is all part of him coming into this new lifestyle that he lives! What happened last night yes it was fucking terrible but it was a fucking mistake, but I know where he came from and why it happened!" I yelled at her.

"He's been living this "new lifestyle" as you call it for years now Lexa, so don't try to fucking sit there and stick the fuck up for him! He fucking cheated on you right in front of you!" she yelled right back.

"I don't fucking care! What he did was a mistake that he never would have done if he wasn't drinking so much! I understand that and I wish you fucking would too! But now Austin is going to be nothing but a bad person in your eyes" I said laying back down on the bed and turning my back towards her.

I heard her take a deep breath and let it out before she started her rebuttal.

"You know what, you are super hurt and you are in denial so I am going to let everything that you are saying right now blow over. I'll let you chill and collect your thoughts, but we aren't finished with this conversation. If you need anything you know where to find me" she said calmly before leaving the room.

I let out an angered sigh. I had thought about things all night and my mind wasn't going to change. Yes I was hurt, I was so fucking hurt I didn't know how to handle it. But, I knew that what he did wasn't on purpose. It wasn't just my heart and my head wanting to believe that, it was my gut. There was no way that he would purposely want to cheat on me, I just knew based on how he treated me and the things that he did for me. Maybe he just wasn't ready for what we had right at this moment and I was willing to wait if I had too.

I rolled over and grabbed my phone off of the charger on my nightstand and my heart stopped as I saw a message from Austin pop up on the screen. I quickly opened it and felt the tears pour out of my eyes.