My Secret Treasure

Chapter 88: Couldn't Numb The Pain

I-I got one hand on this bottle
One foot on the gas
I'm searching for trouble
I'm going too fast
I'm running from shadows
I'm hoping to crash
Just to wake me up from the pain and the past
Hennessy plenty weed, do you have anything stronger
I don't care give it here
Wanna make this high last longer
Unafraid unaware can't you see I am dying
Wanna feel what is real anything is worth me trying
Anything, anything, anything anything to feel alive
Anything anything anything to feel my heart beating
Anything anything anything to feel like I am still here
Anything anything anything to feel like I'm still needed
Is there life after death
Or should I hold my breath
I just don't know I just wanna go
Whereever you take me, oh yeah
And if it all comes don't to this
If all comes down
If all it comes to this
One man
If it all comes down to this
Will you be around?
Will you be the one keeping me alive

Serenity

I slowly opened my eyes and shut them back quickly once the bright light hit them. My body was sore and my throat was dry but besides all that I was confused. I slowly opened my eyes again and looked at the machines around me. They were hooked in my arm and it made my heart race. What the fuck happened?

"Ms. Harris." I looked over at the woman. "How are you feeling?" I tried to speak but it felt like my throat was full of dust. She handed me a cup of water and I slowly drank it. "Do you remember anything?" I shook my head no and she nodded. "That is very common. Unfortunately Ms. Harris you were admitted into our hospital a few days ago for drug overdose. We had to flush your system out and pump your stomach. How long have you been taking these medications?" I went to speak but I embarrassed. How the hell did I end up like this? "Take your time Ms. Harris, we'll talk again when you're ready." She smiled and walked out the room. Shortly after Bully walked right in.

"Why Serenity?" He stood there looking heartbroken making tears build up in my eyes. "Opioids, Xanax, and cocaine?" His voice cracked.

"I-I'm sorry."

"Save it." He walked over to the couch and gathered his stuff. "I've been here since you admitted but now that you're awake I need to go check on the kids. You know the ones you almost left behind."

"Bully." My voice cracked. "Please." He looked at me with tears in his eyes.

"I was the one that found you Serenity. You had throw up all over you and yo ass wasn't breathing. I thought you were dead. Why?" He cleared his throat. "Why would you do that?"

"I-I don't know. I didn't m-mean for it to almost kill me. I-it just made me feel better." He sighed and sat down on the bed. "What is going on with you Reni? This is not you. Drugs?"

"I hate myself." I admitted with full blown tears in my eyes. "I just wanted to numb the pain for a little while but I got carried away."

"I told you, you could talk to me."

"Talking wasn't helping me. The pain was still there. The fear is still there. Every time I close my eyes I see him. I see the jail cell and the shower." I shook my head. "I can't live like this." I cried.

"You gotta talk to somebody baby. This is not healthy and as much as this sounds selfish I can't stand the thought of losing you. The kids." He took a deep breath. "I just wanna make you feel better." Tears fell from his eyes and I grabbed his hand.

I really fucked up and I can't blame anybody but myself. I reached out to hug him and he held on to me with dear life. It hurt, but I didn't wanna let go.