Finally Found

Chapter 1 • Drowning

Do you ever feel like your drowning? Like you can't move because your feet are glued to the ground, where you get to the point where so many bad things have happened that you wonder what you did to deserve it?

I always believed everything happens for a reason, but I don't understand what I did to deserve this, but I obviously must.

What's the point of letting people in if they just leave or break your trust in them?

What's the point of living in this cruel world, when everything hurts?

What's the point of any of it? I've always wondered what would happen if I just left, leave this world behind, finally end it like everyone's told me to.

Finally be with my mom.

I've tried but there's always been something stopping me, telling me to wait and not to pull the plug just yet, that there's always a storm before there's a rainbow. But I don't think I can hold out in the storm much longer.

I've always felt like there was something missing in my life, like a missing puzzle piece that but I can never figure out what, at first I thought it was John when my mom met him when I was 8, I thought he was an amazing guy the best father, because he was the only father I ever got. Oh how wrong I was.

Now I'm sitting here at the police station waiting for a social worker to come and talk to me about what's next. After I found out my stepfather John left I felt nothing, I thought I'd at least feel some relief or happy or maybe even sad but I didn't feel any of it, I just felt numb.

Numb, something I've been feeling a lot lately where everything gets to much I just shut off. The first time it happened was when my mother died, and then again when John hit me for the first time, and then again when he first touched me, now I'm starting to think all I'll ever feel is numb.

Now that both of my guardians are gone who knows where they'll send me or who they'll put me with, I'm not stupid I know how bad foster care can be I'm just praying that after enough abuse something good would finally happen.

I'm tired of just sitting here waiting, it feels like all I've ever done is waited.

Waited for mom to come back and tell me she's ok that nothing ever happened to her, waited for John to get better and stop taking his anger out on me, waited and prayed for someone to help me, screaming for help without opening my mouth.

I guess that brings us back to drowning, like screaming under water no one can hear you, no one can see you, and no one will help you

"Excuse me Gabriella?" I looked up at the women who called my name taken out of my never ending thoughts.

The woman was pretty, with dirty blonde hair tied in a tight bun that looked like it would hurt her face, she was wearing a black pencil skirt down to her knees with a white blouse with a navy blue blazer over it and a folder in her hand. Her eyes are a beautiful crystal blue, like the ocean from a tropical island I've always wanted to visit, but that didn't make them beautiful, what made them beautiful was the warmth and kindness in them I haven't seen since my mom died.

Realizing that I haven't answered her yet I quickly stood up and shook her outstretched hand.

"Hi, yes that me" my voice quivered a little from not talking for a while, I had to lick my chapped lips and swallow hard to soothe my dry throat it's been a while since I've had some water.

"Good it's nice to finally meet you, I heard so much about you, how about we go into an office so we can talk more privately" as she said that she turned and started walking to an office in the station, I was a little confused at what she meant about finally getting to meet me, or hearing about me, as far as I'm concerned I've never seen her in my life.