three years ago;
it's november the fifth, hero's birthday is tomorrow and i'm excited because i've got him a present and hopefully we can spend the day together. we haven't been spending much time together which is a bit shitty but my feelings for him still remain the same, he's been very busy with work and he's started another job at footlocker - he gets paid well at both jobs and martha i has started at one of my mom's stores - she's manager which is good for her.
i still don't understand why hero is still working two jobs because his mom is earning good money and if he works at one place - he'll still have extra money but i guess that's his decision. i've brought hero tickets to some aquarium that is supposed to be good, i brought two tickets so he can take whoever - i kinda wanted to go with him but i'll let him ask if he wants me to go with him. i also got him a hot chocolate kit thing which i know he'll like,
~
today we have a half day at school so we finish at 1pm, we're currently sitting in homeroom - waiting to be dismissed from school. hero is in the homeroom next door to mine. i'm sitting with paisley, alice, reagan, faith and caroline at the back of the class.
"anything interesting going on?" i ask my so called friends
"i'm dating a new boy" reagan says excitedly and i nod, signalling her to carry on
"his name is derek, he's so perfect" she tells me excitedly, the others seem to know already and this is new news to me.
"does he go to this school?" i question and she shakes her head
"he's a senior" she brags
"jo you still with hero?" caroline asks, my stomach turns as his name falls out of her mouth. out of all of them, caroline is the one i like most but she's become so fake but i can't blame her since she's always around paisley. i'm not actually about to tell them that i'm not officially in a relationship, i'm not sure what hero and are - friends with benefits? we behave as if we are in a relationship but at this point i don't know.
"yeah i am" i reply, just as alice was about to say something - the bell goes, signalling the fact that it's the end of the day and we can leave school.
"saved by the bell" i mumble to myself and leave the classroom. i walk over to hero's locker and he standing there with his friends, i tap his shoulder lightly and he turns around - his beautiful eyes meet mine, butterflies rise in my stomach.
"hi" is all that comes out of my mouth.
"hey" he says, wrapping his arms around my waist. theo and aiden talk amongst themselves.
"we'll meet you at theo's house?" aiden asks hero
"yeah i'll be there soon" hero replies, he says bye to them both and they both leave.
"so you excited for your birthday tomorrow?" i ask as we leave the school building.
"eh" hero shrugs.
"did you drive to school?" hero asks and i shake my head
"i got up early so i got a coffee and walked to school" i tell him and he nods
"shall i drive you home?"
"yeah please" i reply
we get into hero's car and as he puts the keys in his car, a song starts playing - a song that is way too familiar to me,
sweater weather - the neighbourhood. i look at the screen on hero's car and it's playing from a playlist titled"j".
a smile grows on my face, i wonder what other songs are on there.
hero drove my home which was nice of him, i'm currently making myself some tacos with nachos. i've taught myself
to cook since my mom isn't here to teach me and i would hire a cool but i enjoy cooking. i pick my phone up from the kitchen counter and text hero, i'm not sure if he's at work tonight but i wanted to know if he wanted to stay the night here - we're supposed to spent the day together for his birthday, it'll be the longest i've spent with him for a few weeks.
josephine; you at work?
hero; nah i'm with aiden and theo
josephine; oh ok
josephine; you're still coming over to mine tomorrow, right?
hero; of course, see you tomorrow x
i put my phone down and plate up my food, i sit at the table - alone, the house is silent but this is what i'm used to.
~
today is hero's birthday, i wrapped his presents this morning and i'm waiting for him to come over, i texted him happy birthday but he hasn't replied - he's probably still asleep but it's his birthday so i guess he's sleeping in.
as the day goes by, i check my phone and each time i check my phone - i try to tell myself that he's not coming but why wouldn't he? i hope he replies to me, even if he doesn't come over - i just want him to text me back and tell me that he's not coming over.
my mind wanders to all the things i could've done.
~
it's 11pm, i'm watching the notebook and eating doritos which i'm enjoying a little too much. i still haven't gotten a text back from hero which is slightly annoying, i put his present back in my closest and i'll give them to him when i see him next - today we were supposed to spend the day together and i was supposed to make him dinner, we were supposed to watch the sunset together and then i wanted to stay up all night with him to watch the sunset. i'm pathetic.
my eyes begin to feel heavier and the sound of the tv becomes background noise, i hear my phone ping and my eyes open - i lean over and pick my phone up, hero has finally replies
hero; ty
is that all? does he not want to apologise for standing me up and making me feel like shit.
a few minutes later, i hear knocking at the door - i drag myself off of the couch and open the door. i don't know who is outside my house at 11pm at night but whatever. i open the door and it's hero, his eyes look red and the smell of weed fill the air.
"it's my birthdayyyy" he shouts and walks through the door.
i didn't invite him in but okay, he takes his shoes off and lays down on the couch - pulling the blanket that i was previously using over his body. my eyebrows furrow at him but i leave him be because he's high and i know his mom will kill him if he goes home high.
"i'm sixteeeeen" hero slurs and then chuckles, his voice is raspy and i don't know what i'm supposed to reply
to that.
"yeah" i mumble quietly
"don't tell anyone" he tells me and i nod at him
"i'm so in love with this girl"
"yeah and?" i ask
"she's so perfect, the way her eyes crinkle as she laughs, her blonde hair, her eyes. she is perfection" he adds
"and i'm scared because i'm not good enough for her" he tells me and i sigh.
i'm so angry at him, he stood me up, turned up at my house at 11pm - high and now he's telling me that he's in love with me. if he was so in love with me, why would he stand me up to go and get high? i'll ask him that tomorrow.
"i'm going to bed" i tell him and make my way upstairs, i climb into my bed and sink into my bed - i pull the duvet
up to my shoulders and i hear the door creak open, i turn my body around and hero is standing there.
"you got room for me?" he asks and gets into bed bedside me, i don't reply to him and i turn my back to him - screwing my eyes shut.
i feel his hands on my waist and hero pulls my body closer to his, i can smell the marijuana from his breath and it makes me feel slightly nauseous - the smell of his cologne soon drowns out the smell of the weed.
