hero's currently staying at my house because i feel like this is when he needs me most and i don't want him to be alone whilst going through a hard time. martha is at home with jamie, martha texted me earlier and told me that her and jamie were going to stay in their pjs all day which i thought was so cute.
i currently have finished cleaning the house whilst hero's still sleeping because i can never clean properly when he's awake so i usually do it when he's not here or when he's asleep. i feel a sharp pain in the side of my stomach and i wince slightly at the uneasy feeling, i'd like to put the blame on the fact that i haven't consumed a proper meal in about 2 days, or any food at all in fact.
hero hasn't noticed which i'm glad he hasn't because i don't want to worry him. i place my hand on my stomach and scrunch my face at the pain i'm in, i sit down on the couch and rest my head in my hands. another pain stabs me in my ribs and i sigh, my body is giving in on me. as i finish wiping down the countertops, i boil the kettle. i didn't actually have a kettle until i met hero; they use kettles in england and he said that it's the "normal" way to boil water, so i invested in one.
i put a green tea bag into my favourite black mug and wait for the water to come to a boil. i hear light footsteps from the staircase, i assume hero's awake. "good morning" he groans and throws himself onto the couch.
"afternoon" its around 1:00, i'm not sure what the exact time is. i fill my mug up with water and leave it to sit and cool down for a few minutes and join hero on the sofa.
"how'd you sleep?" "not the best, my back is hurting again" i tell him "you?" "like a baby" he replies and we both chuckle "i got up around 9 to clean" "why didn't you wake me to help?" "you make more of a mess while i'm trying to clean" i remind him
"have you got anything to do today?" hero asks me and i try to recall anything i have to do. "yeah i need to take a photo for these heels i got gifted because my managers on my case to post it" i tell him and roll my eyes. "what you gotta do?" "take a picture of the heels on my feet" "right. do you need any help?" he asks me and i shake my head. "other than that? are you busy?" "no. you?" "nope but jamie is home now, so i wanted to go over to my moms house to see them both. do you want to come with?" hero asks and i nod, i would never decline the offer to go and see martha and jamie, especially since he has just come out of hospital.
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hero and i were walking around the mall for a while, we were on the hunt for something for jamie. i'm not sure what to get a three year old; there's not actually much you can purchase for a three year old but we ended up getting him a dinosaur cuddly toy which he will love because he loves anything and everything soft and cuddly.
hero parks up in the driveway and i unbuckle my seatbelt, i feel another sharp pain in my ribs and i wince at the extreme pain. hero looks over to me and i try not to scrunch my face but the pain is too much. "have you eaten?" he asks me and i shake my head, now he knows that; i'm going to have to eat now, i don't want him to worry.
i climb out of the car and unlock the door, i hear peppa pig on the tv and jamie babbling. "guess who's here!" i say and walking into the room where jamie is watching tv, he jumps up into my arms and i kiss the side of his head.
"i missed you" i tell him and he giggles, he looks a lot like hero. i've never seen a picture of their father but i'm sure they both look identical to him. jamie has martha's eyes but martha told me that hero looks like an identical copy of his father.
"where's mama?" hero's voice booms from behind me, it's a babyish voice but he startled me because i thought he was still in the car. jamie wriggles out of my arms and waddles to marthas office, he tries to push the door open and can't do it. hero opens the door for him and follows behind him.
"mama there" jamie shouts and giggles, my heart warms at his actions. i sit down on the small seat near to martha's desk, hero lifts jamie off the ground and leaves the room.
"how're you?" "not the best, i'm worried about my little man" she responds and my heart sinks. "he's the reason i get up in the morning, what am i going to do if i lose him?" "don't think that, he's a strong lad. he will get through this" my eyes widen slightly once i've realised i've used the word "lad". i've picked up on a lot of british slang because i'm around hero 24/7. "how're you?" she asks me and i sigh "eating is getting harder but i've got to pretend like it's all okay for hero. he needs me more than ever" "have you eaten today?" i shake my head and martha stands up from her seat.
"come, we're going to make you those sausage things you like" martha says and puts her arm out to me, i follow her to the kitchen. as much as i love her, i don't want to eat. what hurts me more is that my own mother wouldn't do this for me and someone else's mom is doing it for me.
after i've eaten, jamie and i sit together in his room and we're playing with his toy cars. my heart swells at the way he loves playing with them, i'm assuming hero is catching up with martha which is good because i don't think they've had a proper talk in a while.
"mom i'm worried about her" i hear hero say, his voice is faint but it's loud enough for me to hear. "now is when she needs you most" martha replies, her voice not as quiet as hero's. martha pushes jamie's bedroom door open and smiles at us playing. "little man needs to have a bath" martha tells me and i pull myself up from the floor. once i'm on my feet, i lift jamie up from the floor and before i pass him to martha i kiss his cheek. "i'll see you soon" i mumble and pass him to his mom. martha hugs me and tells me i can come over anytime which made me happy. she makes me feel like her own daughter and since my mom is so absent, i see martha as a mother figure. i do miss my mom and i wish she made more of an effort with me because no one should be able to replace your own mom. katherine matters to her more than me so that's fine, i'm fine. hero and i get into the car, i'm not sure if we're going home or if hero wants to go somewhere else. "where we going then?" i ask hero, reclining my seat slightly - if we're not going home i'm probably going to have a nap because i feel tired and i feel my body start to shiver. "wherever you want" hero says and i sigh. i pull the fuzzy blanket from the backseat and lay it across my body.
"can we go home please?" i ask hero, my chest begins to ache again and i just want to be at home. "of course we can" hero mumbles and starts the car, i feel his eyes burning on me "are you okay?" i hear him ask me, i nod. "josephine" hero says, he sounds worried but my body isn't strong enough to open my eyes.
soon enough, i feel my body lighten and the world around me go silent
