two years ago;
i'm awoken to the sound of my phone ringing, i groan and reach over to pick my phone up. i press the green answer button and bring my phone to my ear, my eyes still screwed shut.
"hello" i groan and roll to my side, still no clue who is on the other side of the phone.
"good evening" hero's voice booms through the speaker, i scrunch my face at how loud the volume is.
"are you okay?" he asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.
"uhm yeah i'm fine"
"it's 7pm" he tells me and my eyes immediately widen.
"what the fuck" i mumble to myself
"how're you?" i ask my boyfriend
"i'm good thank you"
"so when did you go to sleep?" hero questions
"9am i think" i stretch my body across the large king sized bed
"why so late?"
"i had a mental breakdown whilst trying to eat dinner, it took me 4 hours to finish a meal" i tell him, chuckling; it's not funny but thinking about it, it's pathetic.
"it's not funny" hero says, reading my mind
"and i was watching netflix" i add on
"oh okay"
"can i come over?" he asks and i smile, like a complete and utter idiot.
"yeah you can"
"you don't need to ask" i remind him
he ends the call and i roll out of bed, i need to make myself look the slightest bit better; he's seen me worse but i have a small fear inside of me that he's going to leave me. i know he won't but it's just there, i'm not used to being loved.
i change into some shorts and a sweatshirt, i stare at myself in the mirror and sigh. i climb back into bed and pull the duvet to my shoulders, hero can let himself in. the bright lights on my ceiling are irritating my eyes, i reach over to my bedside table and turn them off. as i close my eyes, i feel my phone vibrating on my bed. i answer the phone and it's hero.
"i'm here babe" he says and butterflies rise in my stomach, this happens every time.
"the key is under the plant pot" i remind him and hero chuckles through the phone.
"it's always under the plant pot." he mumbles to himself.
i end the call because i can hear him downstairs, i take a deep breath in and lay back down. i hear his footsteps outside of my room, the butterflies in complete control over me. he pushes the door open and walks toward the bed, i sit up and put my arms out.
"hiya" he mumbles, embracing me in a hug. i feel safe in his arms.
"hi" i whisper, i'm not sure if it was loud enough for him to hear.
"get innn" i whine and pull my boyfriend into the bed, he slips off his shoes and gets into the duvet.
i move my head and rest it on his chest, he runs his hand through my hair and my body relaxes at the feeling of his touch.
"baby you need to eat" he tells me and i feel my chest getting heavy.
"i can't"
"you can. let's eat together" hero says, pulling me onto his lap. hero cups my face into his hands and i can't help but smile, he crashes his lips onto mine and our lips move in sync. hero moves his face from mine and our foreheads are touching.
"i love you, i promise you don't need to be scared. we can eat together" he says before kissing my lips again.
~
we're in the kitchen, hero's making me bangers and mash. i had never had it before i met hero and it is nice, so i hope i can eat it. i rest my chin in my hands, watching hero in adoration.
"five minutes" he tells me and i nod, he places the cooking spatula in the pan and kisses my forehead.
"i love you" i remind him
"i love you more" he replies and goes back over to the stove.
he plates up our food and puts them on the table, he sits across me and i look down at the food. it looks nice but i can't eat it. i look up at my boyfriend and his eyes are soft.
"i can't-"
"yes you can" hero tells me, holding my hand in his.
"it looks good but i can't" i say again.
"please, jo you're going to end up in hospital" he pleads.
maybe my mom and katherine will pay more attention to me if i end up in hospital, starving myself.
"i don't care" i mumble to myself.
the plate of food just staring back at me, i physically can't eat. i look up at hero and he looks upset, i know he wants me to eat but i can't.
"i care" hero says, his voice startles me a little and my body jumps slightly as he speaks.
hero moves next to me and cups my face in his hands, i like when he does that.
"please eat" he begs and my heart shatters.
i pick my fork up and pick up some mashed potato up from my plate, i stare at the fork and then put it into my mouth. guilt rushes through my body and i hate it, i shouldn't feel like this whilst eating.
"you can do it" hero whispers and tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear. he picks up the fork from my plate and puts a small piece of a sausage on the fork, bringing the fork to my mouth.
a light chuckle leaves my lips and i open my mouth slightly, just enough so hero can put the fork in the mouth.
"it's good" i tell him, i would kiss him but my breath must smell.
i chew the food, putting too much thought into each bite, worrying about the calories i'm consuming. i feel my chest beginning to grow heavy and i don't think i can do this, my eyes are filled with tears; threatening to spill. hero brings his thumb under my eyes and wipes them ever so gently. he's always gentle with me.
i look over at my plate of food and i've eaten half of it, that's better than nothing.
"i don't want anymore" i tell my boyfriend and he nods, understandingly.
"that's fine, you ate. even if it was a little" he says, a small smile resting on his face.
i love this boy, i need him in my life forever. i don't know what i would do without him.
~
"thank you" i say to my boyfriend before kissing his lips.
"for what?" hero questions and tilts his head slightly, my heart warms in the way it does whenever i am in his presence.
"for loving me"
