two years ago;
josephines point of view;
"hero i cant do this anymore" i sob into his chest, my heart feels heavy and i'm dying inside - i can't live anymore, i hate this. i hate it.
"baby yes you can" he mumbles, his voice breaks a little and the sound of his voice makes me sob even harder.
"i'm done" i mumble to myself.
i've been clinically diagnosed with depression and anxiety, i knew i wasn't right and i knew that this was coming but now it's on paper and it's official, i don't know how to feel anymore. my mom doesn't care, yes she pays for my therapy but nothing else - she called me to check if i had got the money in my bank account, she called one more time to see if i was okay - knowing i had literally just got the diagnosis letter. hero and martha have been so supportive with this all, martha is basically my only mother figure since my mom is away - she hasn't come back to be with me, knowing i'm going through so much. if it was katherine, she'd be there instantly. katherine hasn't even texted me asking if i'm okay, i knew that she was going to do that but deep deep down i genuinely thought that they both cared about me but obviously not .
hero and i are currently at my house, i haven't been to school - we're in junior year now and it's more or less the most important year, i'm missing a lot of school and as bad as it is, i just can't face it. i'm no longer friends with paisley but i'm okay with the rest of the girls, paisley tried to have sex with hero; hero pushed her off him and didn't do it but the fact that she even tried, knowing that he's my boyfriend; disgusts me. i'm not as close as with caroline as she said she wasn't picking sides but we all know that she prefers paisley the prostitute over me, as well as all the other girls; so i'll leave them to it, i have my own shit to deal with.
hero has been my rock throughout this all, i've grown to love him even more than i did because he has done nothing but love and care for me. he stayed with me when i was sick, martha made me some soup and hero slept with me for two nights - bringing me food and a hot water bottle, im honestly so grateful to have him in my life. i did the same when he had a fever, martha let me stay over; i'm sure he caught it from me because he got it a little while after me. i laid with him and held him while he was sick.
we're good together and no one can tell us otherwise, i still haven't told my mom about us; it's genuinely not my fault and the next time she calls me, i will definitely be telling her because i don't want to keep him a secret, he shouldn't be kept a secret. he doesn't to be kept a secret, it's not right to keep him a secret from my family, i want him to meet my mom; i want katherine to meet him, i want to show them that my boyfriend is such an amazing person.
i rest my head on his broad chest and hero's arm is draped around my small body, my eyes are closed and i can feel him playing with my hair; he knows that puts me to sleep so i think i'm probably going to fall asleep, i feel bad for breaking down like that in front of him but i would've resulted in self harm, i haven't self harmed in two weeks; im quite proud of myself for that, again it's hero encouraging me and reminding me that i'm going to be okay.
"are you hungry?" he asks me and my eyes flutter open, i tilt my head up to look at him; i nod my head slightly and a small smile grows on his beautiful face, my heart warms as his lips press lightly on my forehead.
"i'll go and make us something" hero tells me and i shake my head
"i'll come and help"
"stay in bed baby, i'll bring you something don't worry" hero says and kisses my lips, he leaves the room and i'm left; staring at the wall.
i decide to turn the tv on since i'm probably going to start crying again, i lean over and pick up the controller from the bedside table, i decide i want to watch spider man; basic, yes i know. everyone at school is watching 13 reasons why, i refuse to watch it since my sister is in it. i'm known for being katherine langford's sister but because this show has gotten so huge, everyone keeps asking me if they can meet her; she doesn't even talk to me and you want to meet her? i'm so proud of her, i honestly am but why did she need to ditch me like that? i did nothing to her and she hurt me.
a few minutes later hero opens the bedroom door, he has two plates in his hand and i sit up, he places a plate on my lap.
"grilled cheese with takis and pickles" hero says to me, making me smile and making me feel giggly; he thinks it's weird i eat my grilled cheese with pickles but he hasn't tried it yet.
"thank you" i mumble, kissing his cheek.
we watch the tv and eat our food, i look over to hero and he's completely invested in the movie, i'm so thankful that i have someone like him. i could've ended up with some douche bag, but i've fallen in love with him. i take a second just to admire how perfect he is and how god must have taken his time creating such a beautiful person.
i place our plates on the bedside table and i rest my head on his chest.
"we're going to get through this" hero tells me, taking my hand in his.
"together" i hear him mumble quietly.
"together" i repeat quietly but loud enough that he can hear me.
