Love me or leave me.

.23

[Thursday.]
Perrie
'I think she's having us on.'
'How long has it been now?'
'Five days.'
'Still nothing?!'
'Nothing girls. I mean, how hard can it be?! Surely she'll want to know just as bad as we do.'
Perrie put down her cup of tea after taking a sip, burning her tongue and realising it was still too hot.
The girls were at Leigh-Anne's house. They decided a girls weekend was much needed and long overdue.
'Are you gonna call her?'
'I wanted to yesterday but Alex asked me not to.'
'Why? What's he waiting for?!'
'I think he's just worried.'
Jesy quickly snapped back. 'I think you're just finding excuses for him.'
'They're not excuses Jes, I've honestly never seen him like this. I think he doesn't want to upset her because she already said to us she doesn't want to keep the baby.'
'So?' Jesy looked confused now.
Perrie sighed annoyed. 'So... if she's pregnant, he does want to keep the baby. He's already devastated at the idea and we don't even know if it's actually true. And he's been wanting another baby for so long...'
'He should want a baby with you, not with her!'
'But what about you and Sienna?! What are you gonna do, pretend everything's fine and have dinner with the girl he had a one-night-stand with and their child once a week?!'
'I don't know, girls. I don't know, okay?!' Perrie raised her voice out of frustration. 'I'm sorry... I just have no idea on what to do next. He's on edge, I don't want to make things worst. I guess I'll just have to wait for her to come forward.'
'We know, and we don't want to add any more pressure, but think about it: you both barely know this girl. She could make your life living hell for all we know.'
'We can see it in your eyes. You want to be supportive when you really agree with her decision. Why don't you talk to him and...'
'No girls, I can't. I could never.'
'But why?!'
Perrie avoided looking at her friends in the eyes. 'Because I know what it feels like to lose a child... and I don't want Alex to feel the same pain.'*

Alex
'Are you having fun?'
'Yes but I miss mummy already.'
'Mummy only left this morning!'
'I miss her anyway.'
Alex kissed Sienna on the cheek.' I know, I miss her too.'
'Why did mummy go at auntie Lee-lee's house?'
'Because she wanted to see her friends.'
'But I want to see them too.'
'You have to go to nursery tomorrow.'
Alex agreed to look after Sienna whilst Perrie was away, although he wasn't thrilled at the idea of them being apart. He didn't want to be left by himself in that specific moment, but he also was secretly afraid Perrie would leave him again.
As the weather was nice and hot, Alex took Sienna to the park for a while.
Sienna had always been a smart and inquisitive little girl, just like her mum.
'Is mummy still sad?'
'Why do you think mummy's sad?'
Alex, who normally laughed watching Perrie having to deal with their daughter's absurd and embarrassing questions, wasn't laughing now that it was him who had to find a way to get out of that muddle.
'I saw mummy crying lots of times. I cry when I'm sad or cross. Is mummy cross with you?'
'When did you see mummy crying?' Alex realised that maybe Perrie wasn't as okay with the situation as she wanted him to think.
'In the car when we were coming home from nursery.'
'What did mummy say?'
'She was talking on the phone and she was crying and I didn't hear what mummy was saying. I'm really sad if mummy cries.'
'Me too.'
'When I am sad and I cry, I like mummy and daddy cuddles and I feel better after. Maybe mummy needs a big big cuddle to be happy.'
'It's not that easy with grown ups sweetheart. But just know that mummy loves your kisses and cuddles and you always make your mama smile.'
'Last time mummy was angry we had to go the house in London and I don't want to go there again.'
'No one's going anywhere, I promise.'
Alex felt his heart breaking whilst having that conversation with his daughter, but felt even worse knowing he was the reason for so much sufferance and that he couldn't even do anything to put a stop to it.

[Friday.]

-Incoming call from Perrie.- 10.23am
-Hey babe.
-Hey. I'm sorry, I know I promised Sienna I would have called her before nursery but we drunk a bit too much last night and I just woke up!
-It's okay, I told her you were probably still in bed.
-Was she upset?
-She was fine with it.
-Oh...
-I mean, of course she wanted to talk to you, but I told her you'll call her later. Actually, I think we need to have a chat about her...
-Why? What happened?
-It's fine, don't panic. We can talk when you're back, I don't want to spoil your weekend with your friends.
-You can't say something like that and then don't actually tell me what's going on!
-Nothing babe, it's just that yesterday she asked me a trillion question on why you're sad, if it's my fault and if you're gonna go back to London like you did a couple of months ago.
-Oh my God, it's all my fault. I'm sorry, I was talking to Jade the other day in the car and she must have heard me crying. I didn't mean to worry her, I feel awful now!
-But why didn't you tell me something was wrong?! Perrie I told you... I want to know if you're not alright with all this.
-Because it's not about me. It's about you and I'm trying to be supportive.
-I know and I love you so much for this, but I don't want you to get to a bad place because of it.
-I promise I'll tell you if I'm struggling to handle things but I'm fine at the moment, really. You're overreacting. Although maybe I should come back home early... for Sienna.
-There's no need for that. You need some time to unwind, enjoy your weekend, we'll be just fine.
-Are you sure? You're gonna let me know if she's upset though, right?
-Promise. See you soon babe, love you.

Perrie 3.09pm
<<Actually babe, I think I'll come home earlier anyway. There is something else we need to talk about...>>

[Hello lovelies :) how's everyone doing? I'm not feeling very well by far this week and I hate not feeling 100%... hopefully I'll go back to normal pretty soon ;)
A few things about the chapter:
*this particular part referrers to my previous book: this is sort of a sequel and although you can understand pretty much everything without knowing my first story, it might make things a bit clearer reading it :)
The answer to this mysterious pregnancy is coming really soon... stay tuned lol
Hope you all enjoy the chapter :) peace and love to everyone xxx]