𝒎𝒂𝒇𝒊𝒂

𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍𝒆: 𝒈𝒓𝒚𝒇𝒇𝒊𝒏 𝒆 𝒋𝒂𝒄𝒐𝒃𝒚 ♥

Gryffin's POV

I had just gotten home from hanging out with Alayah. Whenever I was at her house couldn't help but think about Jacoby. He had moved into an apartment in town and I couldn't have said I was sad about it.

I tried to ignore it but I couldn't help but miss him. It had been a while since I had seen him but I knew it was for the best. I had come to really care about him but it seems like the only thing he likes to do is stomp all over my heart. Sadly enough, I let him and I always accepted him back with open arms.

Alayah told me I shouldn't let him walk all over me like this because although Jacoby was her brother he was still an ass that needed to learn how to be a decent human being. Taking her words into account I distanced myself from him. I blocked his number and on all of my social media.

That didn't stop him from trying to contact me. He'd call and text from different unknown numbers. He was making fake social media accounts to try and reach out too. He went as far as emailing me. He would try to come and visit me but whenever the gatekeeper called to inform me he was here, I'd tell them I didn't want to see him and he was sent away. Not to mention whenever I did go to Alayah's house, there were certain days he'd drop by because he knew I came to hang out with Alayah but Alayah always sent him away saying I didn't want to see him.

It was hard staying away. Every time he reached out he broke away at me and time after time I was closer to actually responding but I knew I couldn't give in. With Alayah's help, I maintained a strong resolve. I had to—no matter how much it hurt.

I made my way into the kitchen and froze. There sat Jacoby and my mom drinking tea...together. "Mamma, vad gör han här?!" (Mom what is he doing here?!) I spat out mortified. At the sound of my voice, Jacoby snapped his head in my direction and immediately got up and walked over towards me. "Stay away from me!" I said sternly while glaring at him.

"Gryff please-"

"NO! FUCK YOU! I thought you would've taken a hint by now that I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU! You need to learn how to respect my decision and move the fuck on!" I yelled in his face.

I backed away from him and asked my mom that same question. "Cain let him in. Jacoby told me he was your boyfriend and that he'd been trying to contact you for weeks so I thought none the wiser. I didn't know you didn't want to see him, sötnos (honey). I would've told him to leave if I did," she said with concern lacing her voice.

I hadn't told either of my parent about Jacoby so I couldn't be mad at my mother for this. I let out a breath and said it was fine. My mother excused herself and left the room so we could talk alone.

"Gryffin please just listen to me-"

"I don't owe you that Jacoby. I don't owe you a text or a call or a fucking conversation because you fucked me up and I have the right to protect myself and if that's by ignoring you then so be it."

"I know that and I'm sorry but I want to explain myself-"

"There's no fucking excuse! No matter what you going through you don't hurt the people you love. There's no fucking excuse for hurting me," I said with my voice cracking as tears welled in my eyes.

"Gryff," he said reaching out for me but I just pushed his chest. "I hate you."

"You don't mean tha-"

"I hate you," I said pushing his chest again. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you." I continued to push his chest and shout I hate you until I was balling my eyes out and gripping his shirt. "Why did you hurt me J?" I cried out. Jacoby cradled my head to his chest and whispered sweet nothings into my ear as I continued to sob. I wanted to hate his touch so much but I didn't. I felt safe in his arms and I hated it.

"I hate that I can't hate you. I hate that no matter how hard I try to forget you and move on I can't. You fucked me up so bad J," I said once my sobs subsided. I pulled away from him and wiped my face on the sleeve of my hoodie. "I let you treat me like shit and I still accepted you back with open arms no matter how much you hurt me. I hate that you made me feel like that."

"When my mom died, I, in all honesty, became a manwhore. I felt lost and abandoned so I fucked anyone that'd let me to bury my feeling (literally) but you were different Gryff. You made me feel something I'd never felt before: secure. It was so much more than sex when it came to you and that's what scared me. I was scared because ultimately I thought you'd end up leaving me just like my mom. I fucked around because, if you did end up leaving me, it wouldn't hurt as much because I'd have a pile of bodies to soften the blow. I let my own insecurities and assumptions rule me and you ended up getting hurt.

No amount of apologies can account for how much I've hurt you and there is no amount of excuses for cheating on you and hurting you to make what I did ok but I am so sorry Gryff. I'm not going to sit here and give you some bullshit for why I did it because there is no excuse for hurting you. I hate myself for making you feel like this. I hate that I hurt you. I wish I could go back and change everything but I can't. I can't change what happened but I can right my wrongs. I've stopped going out as much and I cut off all my old flings and told them to kick rocks.

I know that doesn't make up for what I did but I just want you to know I'm trying. I'm trying to better myself so I'm worthy of having you. I'm really trying because I love you Gryffin and I want you to be in my life but I'm not good enough for you yet. I can't force you to trust me but all I'm asking is for you to let me prove myself to you. You have every right to tell me to "fuck off" and I wouldn't blame you but I really want to make this work Gryffin because I can't imagine my life without you. All I'm asking is for you to let me prove to you that I'm changing and that I won't ever hurt you like this again. Let me prove myself to you. Please."

He held my face in his hands and placed a soft kiss on my lips. I wanted so badly to push him away but I found myself yearning for his touch. I reluctantly pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes.

"Don't make me regret this J."

__________________

A/N

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope y'all liked this chapter! Jacoby gotta get his shit together frrrr!

Vote and comment :)