Taken By Surprise

Waking Up But Not Fully

    I can hear everything around me but I can't see. I can hear my Dad's sobs and feel his proximity, but I can see him, and every time I try to reach for him I am left defeated. I can't move. I am not sure what's happening to me but I hear things that scare me. internal bleeding, trama to the head, coma.

    I know they say that when people are in a coma they can hear everything but I never believed that, well not until now at least. It hurts to hear people mourn over as if you were dead or dying. It hurts to hear Rin's proximity because the wounds are all too fresh. My heart has yet to heal.

    The doctor tells my father that i may never wake up. That scares me, because I am awake. I just can interact with the world around me. Not that I want to right now, my body's pain is almost as bad as my hearts. I don't was to awake to a life that is broken and scared. I want to lay here until I can figure out what to do, and who to work everything out.

    My feelings are everywhere, I want to hear Rin out and hope for the best. But I also want to knee him in the nuts and tell him to go die. I want my father to hold me and tell me Mommy didn't die because of me. I also want him to hate me again so I wont feel stupid for wishing that car had killed me.

    Every night my Mother, my real Mother invades my dreams, wearing the same swim suit as the day she died. The day I went for a visit. The day I killed her, and a piece of myself along with her. My Daddy says it's not my fault, she drowned he says.

    But she drowned racing me to the buoy, she told me she was tiered and that she wanted to rest. But I insisted and she listened. Stupid. I should have just been happy to see her, seeing as I hardly saw her after my parents got divorced and then my Dad remarried.

    But I got greedy and wanted more, I wanted the old life, I guess that was my mistake. And now this is my punishment.