Every Line Crossed

ELC32

ELC32

The biggest pain that I will always shoulder is probably the fact that I could never give my son the family that he deserves no matter how much I try to give him a better life.

I won't deny the fact that I yearned for a complete family, not only for Aza but also for me. Sapat na naman saakin ang anak ko. However, I still wonder sometimes what could it be if I have someone beside me like Papa is to Mama? What if it didn't just turn in a wrong way? What if was fixed even before it completely fell?

Aza will grow with a father, I would have him with me. How beautiful is that?

But that instance only existed in my dreams.

"Mama!"

My whole body was stoned to where I was standing when I heard Aza's voice. My heart drummed wildly on my chest to the point that I'm afraid somebody can hear it already. All its beats became heavy and painful on my chest. I was eaten out by my fear and nervousness that I cannot make any response. I stayed standing, not even turning back to see Aza.

"Mama! I don't have class today!" he joyfully said as his arms enclosed my legs for a hug.

My head automatically went down to see him. I felt a lot of piercing eyes drawn towards me, as well as the murmurs of people around.

"B-baby..." I call him and I tried to give him a small smile even with every single knife that was speared on my body, causing me massive pain.

He innocently smiled at me with his expecting and glowing eyes. My hurting heart is throbbing with more pain but with warmth, seeing how his eyes radiate happiness as it stares into mine.

Ang daming sumasagi sa utak ko habang nakatingin ako sa kanyang matang kaparehas ng sa kanyang ama.

I was shocked when he suddenly gripped on my dress so he could angle his body just right so he could peak on the side of my legs.

"Come, Mister! I'll introduce you to my Mama!" he excitedly said.

My heart fell and my sweat started to produce as my hand turned really cold and shaking. I don't need to ask if he's behind me because I'm always aware of how his presence feels like.

"Hala... bat..." I heard Criselle's whisper but I cannot see her reaction.

God... can we just skip this, please?

"Come!"

Aza...

Mas lalong umikot at nagkagulo ang nararamdaman ko noong naamoy ko ang kanyang pabango. He went past me before he turned to face me. I can't even look straight on his eyes. I clenched my fist harder.

Aza let go of me and went to him. My heart clenched painfully as I watch how his hand held two of Six's fingers. Muling nag-ipon ang luha ko at nahirapan ako sa pagsagap ng hangin para huminga. Oh my god... why does every move that I can see from them hurts too much?

"Mister! She's my Mama! Isn't she beautiful?"

"Is she?"

I almost had my goosebumps when I heard his cold voice.

"Hmm! My Mama's name is Kill!" he said, looking up to him like he's admiring him. He never looked at any man like that before even with my father and my brothers. But he's unconsciously doing it now to his father even if he still doesn't know it was him.

"I think I know your Mama..." saad niya, taglay pa rin ang lamig sa boses.

I can feel his eyes on me but I was persistent of not looking up and locking my eyes only to my son.