Every Line Crossed

ELC39

ELC39

Before Aza came into my life, I was lost. I was that naive girl who doesn't really know who she was other than the obvious name that I have. I don't even have any dreams I can call as my own.

But when he's born, nothing else mattered more to me than him. From a dreamless person, I turned to someone who has a limitless dream, all only for Aza.

Walang araw na hindi ko siya mas minahal. It was one of my dreams to be able to give the love he deserves for a very long time. I never thought that on the short span of time he was given to me, death will come knocking on my doors.

No... I would just probably bargain my life in exchange for his if that happened. I hated it so much. I hated that I have to welcome those kinds of ideas I would probably die thinking. Pero hindi ko rin mapigilan kahit ayaw na ayaw kong isipin.

"Ma'am, hanggang dito nalang po..." the nurse stopped me from going inside the emergency room. The only thing I can do is to send my son off using my eyes until the door shut close.

My eyes remained on the door. Para akong paulit-ulit na pinapatay ng mga bagay na tumatakbo sa isip ko. The pain was too unbearable and it's making me crazy. I sat on the floor in front of the ER before I put both of my hands in front of my face and cry.

Baby... it's so painful. Why does it have to be you?

Hindi ko kaya, Az. Bakit naman ganito?

"Happy birthday, baby..." I said and cried harder. "I'm sorry... "

I love you so much... I hope you could spend more birthdays with me. That's Mama's only wish, baby...

"Kill..." I heard Papa's voice as he caressed my back. I felt his presence beside me. He held my arms up so I had no choice but to remove my hands off my face and stood up from the ground.

He pulled me into his arms and I placed my face on his shoulder to cry.

"Papa, si Aza..." I whimpered.

"He's a strong boy..." he said, caressing my back and calming me.

"It must have been painful. Aza's in pain, Pa..."

Papa didn't speak but he just continued caressing my back. From being on Papa's shoulder. I raised my head up. I saw my brothers sitting on the waiting chairs. Kuya Rift is looking down while Kuya Rion was leaning on the chair with his tightly closed eyes.

My eyes shifted from the person beside the waiting chair. Six was seated on the floor while silently bowing his head. One of his legs is straightened on the floor while the other was folded on his knee. Doon nakapatong ang isa niyang braso. I can see tears falling straight from his eyes.

It was the first time I saw him that broken. He was strongly keeping himself together all throughout while I was already crying like there's no tomorrow. But now...

Humiwalay ako kay Papa. I slowly walked towards Six's direction. The evidence of blood on his clothes is hurting me so much. I cannot accept that it's Aza's...

He promised me he'll bring my son back...

I sat on the floor while facing him. His head rose when he felt my presence beside him. Our eyes met. Both of our faces are tear-soaked. It's like we're reflecting each other's pain.

"I'm sorry..." he said, without any sense of strength.

My lips quivered and my tears started to fall again. I sniffed and I reach his chest to hit him repeatedly. But no matter how much I want to make it stronger, I don't know where can I possibly pull out some strength. He didn't move to stop me. He was just accepting every punch that I'm giving him while looking so lost.