Surviving Nyx (C.Grimes/TWD) {{ON HOLD}}

FOURTEEN: Andrea

(June 3rd, 2011)

I was only out there for about twenty minutes before Rick came to find me. He apologised for pulling a gun on me and for telling me that I couldn't go on runs anymore, and he told me the real reason as to why he said it in the first place. Rick said that he felt guilty, he's the one that pushed that I went with Maggie and Glenn and he blamed himself for almost getting me killed. He told me about his ghosts, Lori, Shane, Amy, Jim, Jacqui, how they told them they had a safe place and he wanted to get us there, which he now knows was all in his head. I told him everything from my past, everything, so he would understand why I try to hold onto control, why I kept track of everything since the apocalypse began, and how I obsessed over it.

"I told Glenn that part of the reason I came after you all was because, I didn't think I could alone anymore... that was a lie." The air was thick with tension, "the truth is that, for once, I wanted to have someone take care of me, to make sure I'm safe, that I'm eating enough, that I've gotten enough sleep, and that I'm happy." I sent Rick a honest smile, "I found that here with every single one of you and I'm just struggling with handing over the last of my control, but I'm trying, I just ask for you to have some patience with me." Rick promised he would, before pulling me into a hug. A tear trailed down my left cheek as I held onto Rick tighter, that was the first time that I have told someone what's truly going on in my head.

"Come on, we need to get back to the others. I have to put Maggie on watch and give the others a brief on our situation." I nodded as we made our way back inside, I see Noel walking out of Daryl's cell, we share a smile and a nod before we all meet Rick at the end of the stairs furtherest away from Merle, after he told Maggie to go on watch. "Field's filled with walkers. I didn't see any snipers out there, but we'll keep Maggie on watch." Rick informed us as Daryl reached us via the stairs, "I'll get up in the guard tower, take out half them walkers, give these guys a chance to fix the fence." Daryl plans, "or use some of the cars to put the bus in place." Michonne suggests another option, " we can't access the field without burning through our bullets." Hershel argues, "I could use my bow, that way I won't attract more of them by the sound of gun shots. Daryl and Noel could help, we'd have enough arrows to clear it." I suggest another way of clearing the field.

"It could be used as an advantage..." Noel spoke up, we all turned to look at him to explain, he looks at Michonne, "you said those people haven't much experience with walkers, in a way the walkers will be protecting us or at least give us a warning because they'll have to clear the field to get to us." I smile at my brother, his suggestion actually makes a ton of sense, "so we stay trapped in here. There's barely any food or ammo." Glenn argues against Noel, "been here before. We'll be all right." Daryl points out, Noel and I nod agreeing with Daryl.

"That's when it was just us. Before there was a snake in the nest." Glenn was clearly referring to Merle, which upset Daryl, "man, we gonna go through this again? Look, Merle's staying here. He's with us now. Get used to it. Okay? All y'all." Daryl looks at me and Noel before he reclimbs the stairs to get away from all of us. "Seriously, Rick, I don't think Merle living here is really gonna fly." I sighed at Glenn's words, how many times are we going to have this argument, look I agree with Glenn but Merle staying means that Daryl will stay, and I want him to stay, Rick tells Glenn that he can't kick Merle out, "I wouldn't ask you to live with Shane after he tried to kill you." Glenn shouts in Rick's face, I was surprised to say the least, Glenn wasn't the type of man to get into someone's face unless absolutely necessary.

"Merle has military experience. He may be erratic, but don't underestimate his loyalty to his brother." Hershel reminds us of Merle's past and relationship with Daryl. "What if we solve both problems at once? Deliver Merle to the Governor. Bargaining chip. Give him his traitor, maybe declare a truce." Glenn suggest, "he's not going to take it, he wants war, he wants to fight." I speak out to Glenn, "the man shot me when I threaten him with the idea of our group. He won't let a group that could get into Woodbury undetected, twice in less than two hours, live." I tried to argue, but realised that everyone agreed with me, because they weren't arguing against me. "We're not clearing the field and Merle stays, we need him."