Milieux🌌

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Sweetheart is sitting on my lap because apparently, airplanes don't give babies seats. He's been crying the whole trip. I don't know what to do to make him stop.

The stranger sitting beside me eventually asks me if it's okay if he buys my baby a juice. I say yes, and soon later sweetheart is drinking a juice box, the crying finally over. I say thanks to the stranger, and we even chat for a while, but he seems to lose interest after I tell him my age, and our conversation dies out.

Sweetheart starts crying again when his juice box is finished, and the stranger doesn't offer to help again. My baby cries the rest of the flight, and when I'm about to go out of my seat row when we've landed, a lady who'd been sitting behind us, leans towards me and whispers in my ear; 'Someone should've taken him from you.'

I pretend I didn't hear what she said, but we're standing still in a queue, waiting to get out of the plane, and the lady is standing right behind me. Sweetheart is still crying in my arms when the lady leans in again.

'Can you hear that?'

I grit my teeth.

'Are you going to do anything about that?'

I have to ignore her, I have to.

'Puh! Do you even know who the father is?'

I turn around and scream in her face. The chatting noise in the plane goes silent, and now the only sound left is sweetheart. I feel everyone looking. The lady raises her brows at me.

'I can hear him, yes,' I say.

Finally, the queue starts moving, and the closer I get to the door, the harder it is to fight back tears.

How am I supposed to find someone who can take care of my baby with me? No one wants to be with an eighteen-year-old mother. No one. It's never going to be safe for him with me anyway; Nathan will find me at some point. They told me he wouldn't hurt me, that he's over what I did to Marcus, but I'm not so sure. And even though it's unlikely that Nathan will come to New York and revenge me, I can never be sure. What if I can't manage to find a stable person who can help sweetheart?

What if my plan fails and, I end up giving sweetheart a terrible life? If that happens, I hope Nathan will come and kill me. But I can't let that happen, I can't risk that to happening to sweetheart. I can't.

As I'm moving out the door and into the gangway, I stare at the back of the man who gave sweetheart a juice box. I keep close behind him until we get into the airport and he stops to check his phone.

I go over to him and ask if he can hold my baby for a second while I go to the restroom. He tells me no, that I should bring my baby with me.

I lay sweetheart, who's still crying, down at the floor in front of the man, turn, and run as fast I can.

I run and run and run, but then someone grabs me and forces me to stop, and I turn around to face him. He looks more surprised than angry.

'Take your baby with you,' he says, out of breath.

'I can't!' I cry, and all I want is for Nathan to come and slit my throat and be done with it.

'I get that it's tough for you now, but you won't regret having him in the end. Take your baby with you.'

The warm sunset wakes me up, making me squint to get used to the light. I sit up and stretch my arms, smiling to myself when I hear my sweetheart giggle from the other room.

I put on my blue robe and go lean against the doorframe to the kitchen where my fiancé is feeding sweetheart with baby porridge, the morning sunlight shining at them through the kitchen window.

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