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it's been half a year. it still hurts. i haven't been home since. i have been staying with Laurie and Mr Laurence just like old times. i am lucky to have them, they are trying their hardest to ensure i am not alone.
the light was pushing through the curtains of my room. i heard a small knock on my door before it opened. i winced as i tried to open my eyes fully but the light blinded me. "Bumble Bee, it's almost noon," i heard as footsteps neared my bed. "Teddy?" i asked finally being able to open my eyes. "it's me Blair," he smiled sitting on the end of my bed. "grandfather wants to see you, he's made your favourite," the boy said coming closer to me slowly. he placed his hand onto his knee and smiled. i sat up and rubbed my eyes. "blueberry pancakes?" i whispered, he nodded with a small smile. i took a breath. getting out of bed was hard, it was almost like it was my only comfort now.
i followed Teddy slowly town through stairs. the smell of the pancakes filled my nose. all of the memories came flooding back. i saw Charles stood in my home in Paris as i observed him with a smile. he'd always call me his angel, now he's mine. i shook my head. i really did miss my boy.
i sat at the table. i hadn't brushed my hair in days, i barely changed, i couldn't motivate myself to care for myself anymore. "you look beautiful Blair," Mr Laurence smiled almost as if he read my thoughts. i smiled at him gratefully before trying to eat my pancakes. it took longer than i thought. with every bite i remembered his touch, his laugh, his warm eyes, his open arms, him. once i had finished my plate i looked up to Teddy who was staring into his lap. he hadn't handled it well. in the end him and Charles became like brothers. Laurie acted strong for me and the girls but i knew he was hurting.
once Teddy and i left the table he sat beside me on my bed. "will it get easier?" i asked. Laurie took a breath. "Blair. when my parents died all those years ago, i was just a boy. a boy with no one apart from a grandfather. he was the only one who cared for me, the only one who loved me. his love brought me out of the void of darkness. now onto you Blair, you have so many people who care for you, so many people who love you ever so much, you just need to allow yourself to be loved," he said inching closer to me. he placed his hand on my own and smiled. "how about we get you ready? get you looking and feeling like our sweet Blair again?" he smiled. i nodded slowly.
i got out of the bath and sat in my room in the large fluffy towel. Teddy walked in a few minutes later and covered his eyes with his hands. "it's okay Teddy, there's nothing exposed," i smiled slightly. he smiled and removed his hands from his eyes.
"how about brushing your hair?" he smiled. i nodded. i didn't want to do this, i wanted to just sleep and cry but i couldn't do that anymore, i had to be strong. i sat on my chair and brought the hairbrush up to my head. i winced trying to brush the wet knots. Teddy walked over and softly took the brush from my hand and began to run it through my hair smoothly. i looked back to him from the vanity. he was so concentrated. "am i hurting you?" he asked softly. i shook my head. "i'll always be here for you Blair, always," Teddy whispered while still gently brushing my hair. "i'm sorry," i whispered with a lump in my throat. "whatever for princess?" he said, i shivered hearing him call me that, it didn't feel right like it used to, it felt like i was almost cheating. "i am holding you back, you could be out travelling the world like you always dreamed. you wanted to go to Germany didn't you? go, go and live your live Theodore," i said but he shook his head. "i am living just perfectly here, with you, with the girls, with the Marches, you're my family, why would i ever want to leave?" he smiled but i couldn't agree with him. "i want to leave. i can't; but i want to. i want to live my life again, but i'm afraid i'm too far gone," i huffed.
