I'll be the grand duchess

Chapter 32: Live on

Have you ever found a purpose of your life?

Dealing with sort of problem at the start of young age, I found that the only purpose of my life was to live in miserable.

No one would remember me even if I die anyway.

Or that was what I thought.

From my birth till my death, I never experienced such thing as familial loves or romantic love, I lost my belief in it ever since I was a child.

Just like a pure white fabric, children has an innocent and bright head that was easy to manipulated.

And just like any kids, I used to have a really innocent mind and happiness all over my head. That was when my own parents stained it by themselves.

I used to have a parents and a big house...to be exact a mansion. My father was a successful entrepreneur and my mother was a loving housewife.

I was born on 2003, on a lovely Christmas day. When I was born, there was a snowflake fell on the hospital window and an iris that bloomed in the middle of a snowy day.

Thus, I was called "Iris".

Life is short, so I need to wisely spend it. To fully enjoy my time as a playful child, a rebellious teenager stage, a messy adult life, a worried parent, a peaceful life of an elder.

But my parents were against my decisions. They wanted to make choices for me. So I was forced to take extra classes aside from classes at school.

My tutors and parents were very strict. They would hit my palm with a long wooden stick if I get the answer wrong. They stopped giving me affection and smiles I wanted to see after my lesson.

But what came after one lesson was another lesson. Even if I fainted due to exhaustion, they would called me a failure or useless.

I didn't want them to call me that, so I studied very hard to make them called me "dear" or "darling" like before.

I was called a genius at school but useless at home. They ignored me and never take me with them anywhere.

One day, when I returned home, I overheard something very cruel, something a child never wanted to hear, especially coming out from my parents' mouth.

"It would be better if she was born as a boy. That child is useless."

"What should we do?! We can't let our nephews to just randomly take over our company like this!!"

"Let's have another child."

"But if the child is born as a girl again?"

"Hah..."

So, I was born out of their selfishness. They didn't want me out of love, they wanted me out of selfishness.

I began to hate them since then. My parents didn't care about me. It was when I realised everything around me was just a lie.

They all wanted to get close to me because of my rich parents. I began to get into sort of trouble at school. Not listening to my teachers, skipping my lessons, hit my bullies back. At the end of the day, everyone would pointed their fingers at me so I didn't care anymore.

The trouble continued for 1 year until my parents made me stay home and study inside. Homeschool was even worse than school, my mother would monitored me and shamed me in front of my tutors.

There are some teachers who tired to defend me, however they all got fired by my mother.

At the age of 9, my father brought a woman home whenever mother isn't around. She wore highschool outfit and also very erotic.

She tried to get close me to, but father didn't allow her to. Of course, father would bribe me with cash or expensive stuffs for me.

I shut my mouth like he wanted to because I didn't care how everything would turned out. It didn't take long for mother to find out about his affairs, as a result, they divorced.

Mother didn't leave me alone and brought me to live with her. I started to go to school back. It was a joyful moment for me to finally go back to school.

It was suffocating living with my mother who would constantly cursed at me or randomly hit me even if I did nothing.

No one bothered me at school, so I was even more happier. But I still need to rank at the top of my class because that way, my mother wouldn't bothering me.

My father occasionally sent us money. I didn't receive anything for my birthday or Christmas.

Life is miserable, so I wish for it to end soon.

When I was 13 years old, my mother introduced me to a young man. He was younger than my mother for 4 years. My mother was very happy. She gave me money and cook many food, but it's only because the young guy made her happy and to make me stay out of her happiness.

Sometime, they went on a 1 week trip. My mother would forget to leave me money, but either her boyfriend gave me some or I would go and withdraw the money from the bank.

Middle-school was the 3 year of the happiest moment in my life. I was left alone in the corner without anyone approaching me with any intentions.

Highschool year came around and the school allowed us to choose whatever school we wanted. I was very thankful for having a great school to allow their students to choose their own school.

I was being me, choosing a school, far away from home where mom won't bother me. Well...why did I worry about that? I was already forgotten by my parents. My mother had a new baby and my father had a new child.

When I left for school, my mother gave me many money. Her boyfriend also gave me many money. I didn't care about him but I do care about the amount of money they gave me.

That the last time I saw them. On a Christmas morning, on my birthday where I saw an Iris flower blooming on the train rail.

It was beautiful

Life there was like any normal day I had back when I was with my mother. Students and teachers had all their eyes on me because I always ranked top.

The first week of my highschool, I met two weirdos. One is a nerd who had a pretty average score and one is the princess of this school.

The princess of this school was a beautiful girl, she was kind and smart. She was also the only one who sometimes stole my title as the genius.

I had a pretty intense year. That beautiful whatever girl was just a fake princess who wanted attention and would threatened to beat me up if I told everyone her secret even though I was taller than her.

The nerd girl was pretty okay. She recommended many good shows and game, and was a good term with me, although most of the time she would hang out with the princess girl.

I watched those two idiots crying dramatically over a drawn, anime's death. It was silly but it was indeed sad.

I will never admitted that It was fun to stay with them. My pride held me back to admit and confessed them until the very end of my life.

We three fell off the school building because of a pineapple pizza. The cause of our fall was really stupid but funny. I laughed to myself like a psycho when I was at the brink of death. All my whole life, I never received any love. My purpose to live was to die, but the actual purpose of my life was actually to find happiness for myself. Even if I went through hardship, I will still found happiness. I did find it, not the last moment of life but ever since I met them.

I want to meet them again and watch their silliness pranks on teachers.

"I'm grateful to realize that my purpose of living was not to grow older and older then die, but it was to find happiness."

So that's why, I need to live on even if I am alone or suffering because I knew you would appear.