F̶o̶l̶l̶o̶w̶ Fuck the Rulebook - Kenma Kozume

Hesitation - Chap 59

Soft strokes against her cheek sent warm sensations spreading though her body, this touch, she only hoped for it to be one person. The memories of previous events returning to her, is she, at the nurses, her eyes slowly opening to see Damien sat in a chair beside the bed, lazily scrolling through his phone as his other hand was slowly stroking her cheek. Why, is he doing this to her? To himself? She felt a wave of emotion overcome her, she hated herself for it, but she couldn't bury old emotions, she carefully pressed her head against his palm. His eyes lifted immediately to meet hers,
"you're awake."
It seemed that way. He slipped his phone into his pocket pulling his chair closer to the bed leaning over with a warm face,
"you have to take better care of yourself," stroking her face, she hated it, " you're allowed to stay here until you feel better, due to your previous records," the fact he was still here, "you woke up briefly but fell asleep as soon as you hit the bed," meant something, "it was cute."
"Why are you here?" Akasuki whispered, turning her eyes away from him.
His face tightened forming a cold expression,
"you really hate me that much?"
Hate? Hate was too weak to represent what she felt him.
"After everything we've been through?" Damien chuckled loosely stroking the hair behind her ear.
After everything they've been through, Akasuki scoffed weakly shaking her head slowly,
"you really thought after everything we went through; you could just stroll straight back into my life?"
She watched him in anticipation, she already knew the answer, it's easy for a guy like him. He nodded,
"I always did and you always let me."
Because she had no choice, he never gave her a choice.
"You," she bit her lip as she tried to hold in her emotions, "told me, you never loved me, so why," she let out a shaky breath, "why are you doing this to me?"
"Why?" Damien repeated leaning back in his chair pouting his pretty lips, all she wanted was a speck of confirmation for the past and possibly even the present, "do you remember when you stood by my side every time," she gritted her teeth, she didn't have a choice, "you defended me," at that time in life, she had faith he could change who he was, "you love me."
She loved him, she used to love him at least, maybe she possibly still does deep down hidden in the darkest corner of her soul, but now that love has been stirred in with endless fear and anxiety.
"So, I thought that once I get out, you'd still love me," Damien smirked as he spoke, "I don't know why but," he kissed his teeth his brows furrowing, "when I saw you with that kid, I hated it," what is he trying to say right now, "I guess you could say," he leaned forward, "I was jealous."
Her heart was slowly being crushed by his words, a year ago Akasuki would've been bursting with joy to hear these exact words but now, now it made her frightful for herself and Kenma, even those who aren't physically connected to her. Jealousy is a strong feeling. 
"I decided, you're going to be with me now, not him," Damien continued speak, "you're going to love me like you used to do."
Like she used to, love him like she did in the past, her lips parted in hesitation,
"I can't."
Damien chuckled,
"I wasn't giving you a choice," he pulled out his phone, turning it to her, Kenma, a simple image of Kenma sat on the brick wall outside the gym. He continued to swipe through several photos of Kenma, some containing other team members like So and Yūki,
"either you get rid of him, or I get rid of him, in my way."
Her eyes became misty as her heart broke at the thought of Kenma becoming harmed or hurt in any sense, she didn't know what it was inside of her telling her, but she knew she would give everything in her life to protect that boy. Despite the messy thoughts, that's the one conclusion she always came to.
"I'll do it," Akasuki whispered, tears slowly trickling onto the pillow, "please don't hurt him."
Damien grinned,
"those words take me down memory lane."
A memory was where those words belonged to him, but in the present, the words will always be meant for Kenma.
"Can you leave please?" Akasuki murmured through her tears.
He shrugged leaning back in his chair,
"I don't know, can I?"
"Please just get out," Akasuki hissed clenching her eyes shut.
"I'll be back, babe," Damien teased, the sound of his chair screeching back and his footsteps fading, "she doesn't want guests right now."
Guests? Akasuki opened her eyes slowly gazing towards the doorway where Yaku and Kenma were stood.
"Let her speak for herself," Yaku spoke through gritted teeth.
Kenma's face was a sense of clear confusion but his eyes were set on her, slowly registering the tears sliding down her cheek. Please don't do anything Kenma. He stepped into the room; his brows furrowed bee-lining for Akasuki. Damien didn't move one bit, except reaching out to grab Kenma's shoulder,
"she's not taking guests buddy."
"Don't," Akasuki warned shooting up in the bed, her breathing becoming rapid, if he lays a single finger on him right now, it changes everything.
Damien's hand hovered over Kenma's shoulder, his eyes meeting Akasuki's before clenching into a fist, shoving past Yaku calling out,
"think about what I said."
She's already thought enough about what he's said.
"Akasuki," Kenma spoke reaching her side.
As he went to sit in the chair Akasuki grabbed his hands pulling him up,
"please don't sit there,” he doesn’t belong in the same place as him.
Kenma nodded lifting his hands to Akasuki's cheeks wiping the tears away as he stayed stood up,
"are you okay?"
For the sake him, she nodded,
"I'm just tired."
"God," Yaku scoffed, "that guy really rubs me the wrong way."
Kenma glanced up at Yaku frowning before turning back to Akasuki,
"who is he?"
Now is the time, she could confess everything to him now and drag them all into her world. Or, she could cut their strings attaching them to her, and relive her past.
"Kenma," Akasuki sniffled wiping the snot into her sleeve, his golden eyes were staring into hers expectantly, "I can't," the more words she spoke, the more her heart shattered, "do this."
"What, do you mean?" Kenma carefully asked, the realisation hitting his face already knowing what she meant, yet hopefully it wasn't what he thought.
She dropped her eyes to the floor,
"us."
She had to protect him. Kenma's fingers lifted from her cheeks lingering above her skin,
"are you sure?"
She nodded gritting her jaw to hold back the sobs.
"Are you serious?" Yaku scoffed, "I thought that arsehole was joking but it's true, isn't it?"
"Can you leave?" Kenma angrily demanded.  
"No, I,"
"Get out," Kenma hissed.
Yaku sighed backing out of the room,
"whatever, I told you she was bad news,” closing the door.
Kenma carefully lifted her face up to meet his,
"are you sure about this?"
She nodded trying to avoid his gaze, she couldn't look him in the eyes right now. He bit his lip as he nodded, she knew the exact way he felt, betrayed, disappointed, heartbroken, every single emotion possible.
"Can I make some requests beforehand?" Kenma whispered lowering his hands down to his side.
Requests? Akasuki nodded,
"whatever you want, I'll do anything," maybe it was her last attempt for acceptance or making up for the guilt, but she didn't want to disappoint him any further.
"Please stay with the team, they really like you, they, need someone like you, keep cooking because you're an incredible cook, look, after yourself, eat properly, try to, sleep early, don't, skip classes, you" his voice quivered, tears spilling down her cheeks, "have to make sure to keep on top of your daily quests as I won't, be there," he took a large breath.
She couldn't take it, she had to look at him, she looked up, his hands were clenched at his side fabric bunched in his fists, his head held up in attempt to stop the tears spilling,
"don't stop being you,"
She let out a sob she had been holding in, reaching out to take hold of Kenma's shirt in bunches,
"you, better do the same."
He lowered his head to meet her eyes, the pair misty eyed, tears spilling down their faces, lifting his hands to caress the sides of her face,
"promise me you'll do all of that."
"I promise," she shakily let out a breath of air, "as long as you promise, to smile every time you see me," she lifted her hands to stroke his cheeks, "please."
His smile could light her night sky's for months, let alone years, knowing he'll continue to light her nights through his distant smile, was enough for her. He nodded,
"I promise," his thumb travelled over her lips slowly, his eyes sad, "can I kiss you, one last time?"
She knew it would hurt to say yes, but she didn't know how much more it would hurt if she denied his request. She nodded. Kenma let out a weak breath leaning down to press his lips against hers, Akasuki returning the passion, the taste of salt sparking on her tongue. I'm sorry Kenma, was the only thing she could think, repeatedly flowing through her mind. He pulled back slightly for a brief of air,
"if you ever need anything, and I mean anything, I'll be there."
"The same goes for you," Akasuki whispered.
Kenma pulled back further taking a step back,
"I'll, see you around."
All Akasuki could do was nod, she wasn't sure what she could say, please don't leave, stay with me, it's only a joke, if I don't do this you're going to get hurt. None of them were the right things to say. He slid out of the door, closing it behind himself with one last smile. Fuck, Akasuki lowered herself onto the bed clinging to the pillow as she began to sob, what would someone else do in her position? Knowing that Damien was capable of practically everything, she didn't have a choice in this, even if it meant breaking her own heart, along with Kenma's. Akasuki stayed in the nurse's office for the rest of the door, slipping after school practice to hurry home.