21st Century Goddess

Chapter 55: Acceptance

Zypher's POV

Hindi parin ako makagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko dahil sa mga narinig ko. Why? Why is everything confusing me now?

Napansin ko ang pagtingin ni Ariella sa akin saglit at kinuha ang picture frame na hawak ni Zach. I don't remember commanding myself walk to her place but my feet did it on it's own. Unti unti kong nakita ang nakangiting mukha ng ama ko. Hindi ko mapigilang makaramdam ng saya. I miss him. I miss them. I miss all of them. I miss my mom and my sisters. Kahit na palagi ko paring nakikita ang mga kapatid ko sa academy ay tila wala lang din, it's because I shut them out. I closed my door to them after our parents' death. Hindi ko mapigilang mapangiti ng mapakla.

Ilang minuto lang akong nakatitig sa larawan ng ama ko at napagdesisyunang kunin na ang tingin dito. Napansin ko agad na lahat ng mga mata ay nakatingin sa akin. I saw the blaze in their eyes as they stare at me. They were all watching me with sullen and curious eyes.

"Let's continue searching." Biglang pambabasag ni Ariella sa katahimikan. She may have sensed the building tension within us.

"No."

Hindi na ako nabigla sa pagtutol ni Zach. I know ever since that moment when I touched the paper he cannot help himself get curious. I can feel his suspicion from the very first time he felt suspicious about me. I can feel how hungry they are for the truth about me.

He stared at me long and hard. I stared back at him. I was the first one to break eye contact. I inhaled. I'm lucky I went this far. Bigla nalang lumakad palabas ng bahay si Zach.

"Zach, where are you going? Hindi pa tayo tapos dito." Pagtatanong ni Steph sa kaniya.

"Let's go to the Halmington Mansion."

Tumingin siya sa akin ng sabihin niya iyon. Tinitigan ko lang din siya pero tumalikod na siya at naglakad na patungong sasakyan.

I sat on the back with Diego and closed my eyes. Walang nagsasalita sa loob ng sasakyan habang nagmamaneho si Ed.

"That's right, Venus. Go seek for yourself and try to help and save all of them, while you still can.

And let me tell you, I am not threatened by your little stunt earlier... I'm more than ready. "

Hindi ko matanggal sa isip ko ang tinig na narinig ko kanina. I already have an idea about who this person might be, but I can't seem to accept it.

I know I can't stop this—whatever is about to happen, because I know it is bound to happen eventually. This war, alam kong dito magtatapos at magsisimula ang lahat. Alam kong dito ko kailangang patunayan ang sarili ko. Hindi para sa ibang tao, kahit sa mga kapatid ko, pero para sa sarili ko. I need to prove my worth and what I am made of to myself. Battle between myself. It's the hardest battle one can face.

Hindi ko maiwasang mangamba sa mga pangyayari. Not because they might know who I truly am, but while they're knowing about it. I am not afraid of what their reaction might be, but I am afraid about mine. Minsan nga hindi ko parin lubusang alam kung ano pa ang kaya kung gawin. Kung hanggang kailan ang tatag ko. I have so many issues about self doubt. Siguro ngayon, maaamin ko na sa sarili ko na hindi nalang ito tungkol sa pagkamatay ng mga magulang ko, kung hindi tungkol na talaga sa sarili ko. It's so hard to be myself. It's so hard to be the 21st century goddess. And it's so hard to be Zypher Venus Halmington. The girl with doubting issues, not doubting about other people, but doubting about herself. That's me. Sometimes, I wish to face problems regarding about our society or other people, just not about me. Kasi ang hirap. It's easy to know what to do but it's hard to do it. That's my struggle. I know I am capable, but I don't know how to. Confusing? Even I, am confused.