once we met | derek morgan. ✓

24 : bottoming out

d e r e k .

I sit against the O.R. gallery window, taking small sips of my coffee as I watch the surgery be performed. A small part of me trembles in fear - not a Jules' isn't making it out of this alive fear but more of a Jules isn't going to be okay after this type of fear.

Ever since Jules was sixteen, I have always known her to be a smiling, bubbly person. Now? If she loses this kid? If we hit a rocky bump? I'm scared she'll never find herself after that. I'm worried that the Jules I know and love will never come back.

My gaze travels to Jules laying on the hospital bed, her brain cavity open in front of Dr. Shepherd.

There's sudden beeping from the O.R. as panicked looks come across the doctor's faces.

"What's going on?" I ask as Dr. Kepner gets up to get a good look.

The O.R. gallery goes silent as rage and worry boils inside of me.

Why isn't anybody answering me?

I head towards the mic button, slamming my palm against it.

"What's going on?" I ask as Dr. Shepherd glances up at me.

A stern look comes across his face, "Kepner, get him out of here immediately!" He states.

"No! What is going on!?" I ask, worry filling inside of me.

Dr. Kepner tries to put her hand on my shoulder sympathetically, but I shrug away from her grip.

"What is going on!?" I ask, my eyes watering.

"Derek..." She mumbles.

"Kepner, get him out now!" Dr. Shepherd yells.

Dr. Kepner shakes her head, torn at what to say.

"Dr. Kepner!" Dr. Shepherd exclaims, trying to keep his focus on Jules' brain cavity.

Dr. Kepner's eyes meet mine, "Derek... Jules' is bottoming out. This is the tough part - you can't be in here for this." She explains in a low tone.

I shake my head, "Bottoming out? What the hell does that mean?" I ask.

"Her heartbeat is slowing down." She states.

"Her- her heartbeat?" I ask, getting a sudden dizzy feeling in my head.

Dr. Kepner nods as I walk past her, trying to hide the fear because I know she'll tell me some bullshit excuse like "she'll be okay" or "you need to stay strong for her". Truth is, I want to stay in that O.R. gallery, but I'm scared I'll lose Jules and my kid in plain sight. I can't- Someone needs to tell the team.

My body trembles as I head downstairs to the waiting area. I see some familiar faces from a distance.

"You guys are here?" I ask, my voice shaky.

Garcia gets up, her eyes longing and sympathetic.

Reid inches closer to me, "Hotch gave us the day off to focus on Jules' recovery and wait for any updates - and somehow, we all ended up coming here. We all thought it would be a good idea to be by yours and Hotch's side during this." He explains.

I nod, giving him a small hug, "Thank you."

Hotch comes up to me, clenching his jaw.

"Hotch..." I mumble.

"Any updates?" He asks.

I nod, "Her anesthesia wore off during surgery..." I state.

Hotch's jaw drops, "Her anesthesia!? What the hell are these doctors doing!?" He exclaims, looking around the waiting room.