Angel in the Courtyard [Book 2]

Chapter 57 - Tomasia

Three days. It had been three whole days since I left my bedroom. I had no appetite and zero motivation to do anything but cry. My body felt weak and limp, and my head completely numb. I felt like I had lost so much since Mr. Salim asked to speak to me outside of class. I wasn't going to make any presidential speeches, I wasn't going to be able to look at my brother the same way again, or be in a relationship with his friend.

Zander didn't know because I hadn't spoken to him since that day, but it was over. "So over," I whimpered, wanting to disappear into my sheets.

I didn't want to talk to anyone, look at anyone, or have them look at me. Zander had been trying to phone me non-stop since my panic attack, so I had no choice but to block his number. Hino too, but I directed his calls to voicemail. Then there was Loyal, my twin, the one person I thought I could rely on no matter what happened. I was furious with him. Our fight from the other night was still fresh on my mind—clear as day, as if all the horrible things we said to each other were reversible.

"What made you think you could get away with it?" I asked miserably.

He sat on the bed with me but kept his back turned. I couldn't bring myself to face him either.

"I knew you were making money off the students at Jackheights," I told him. "I knew you were operating that business with your friends. I knew there was a reputation you had built that landed you that awful title—"

Loyal scoffed. "You only knew all that because I needed you to know. I told you as much as you could handle and that's it."

"Why?" I asked, my voice cracking. "So, you could have fun watching me date Zander when you knew his dirty little secret?"

His shoulders slouched. "It's not his dirty little secret," he replied. "It's a part of his past—and if you can't accept someone's past for what it is then you have no business being with them."

I grabbed a pillow and smacked the back of my brother's head with it. He finally looked at me. His eyes were dim and sad, they reflected mine so perfectly, it was painful to see.

"What is the matter with you?" I couldn't stop the tears. "Why do you always act like you have the answers to everything? Why do you act like you have everyone figured out?"

"Maybe because I do," Loyal replied, raising his voice. "Maybe I can see through this fucked up world where everyone hides behind their lies in order to avoid the truth! You have no idea what I deal with, you have no idea what I hear—from you, from mom and dad, from my friends, from every fucking person I meet. It's one lie after another after another!"

"If it hurts so much then stop trying to handle it by yourself!" I yelled. "You can depend on people too! You can ask for help! You can just tell me not to lie and—"

"Don't be so fucking naive, Tomasia."

I glared daggers at him. "Don't swear at me!"

"You lied when you had feelings for Hino," he said stubbornly. "You lied when you had feelings for Zander! You lie so much, so often, so don't sit there and act like I could change that with one conversation! What I did, no—what Zander did before you got the guts to date him will never be any of your business!"

"Y-You knew about my feelings for Hino?"

Loyal kissed his teeth. "Was it supposed to be a secret?" he asked coldly.

"If you knew then you should have said something!" I complained. "It's wrong, Loyal! Knowing other people's secrets and not saying anything is a violation of privacy!"

"I told you to stop being naive," my brother glared. "Just because I can hear lies, doesn't mean I'm obligated to correct them. That's not how the real world works. Zander hooked up with Findlay on his own—I didn't force him or threaten him with anything, if you can't believe that then your issues as a couple run a lot deeper."

"Don't make it sound like it's all his fault!" I yelled miserably. "You're responsible too! You ruined us! He cares about you so much! He would jump off a cliff if you asked him to!"

Loyal regained his composure. "If you think that then it just proves my point even further. You don't know the real Zander."

Tears continued to stream down my face. "Can't you even be a little sorry?" I asked. "Can't you take a little responsibility for your actions?"

"I don't hand out apologies to make people feel better," he said, standing up. "If you want someone to coddle you with lies then talk to your boyfriend."