His Light, Her Darkness

Chapter 64: The Future Only Encompasses Death

"Did I - What?" I ask, squinting in his direction.

"Did you sleep with Scott?" Matteo enunciates every word, as if I'm being persecuted for some sort of a crime.

"I - I..." I stutter. I didn't think he would be so blunt, and now that he's asking me, what am I going to say? I can't lie because that would only be hypocritical of me asking him not to lie to me. I have to tell him. "Yes." I mumble. Looking into his eyes, I notice a flash of hurt.

"Do you love him?" Matteo asks.

I-

"No." I say it so fast, that I even surprise myself. Hadn't I only just confessed my love for Scott?

I look up to see Matteo's hopeful eyes staring back up at me, though it's masked by his cold expression. His breathing is shallow, and his eyes brows are furrowed together as if he's thinking really hard.

Guilt seems to be flooding through my body... I had made a promise to Matteo - That he would never lose me. I intend to keep that promise as best I can. But here I am, confessing that I slept with a man who I thought I had fallen in love with.

Am I not in love with Scott?

It's not like it's a big deal. It's not like Scott is the first person I've ever slept with, but why do I still feel like I've betrayed Matteo?

"Are you mad?" I ask, trying to look into his gaze and find any emotion that may give me some indication as to how he's feeling.

He runs his hands through his hair and takes a deep breath in, turning away from me. "Mad?" He questions. "Why would I be mad? It's your body, you have the right to do with it whatever you please."

I bite the inside of my cheek at his words.

"Mia, if you're pregnant-" He begins, but I cut him off.

"If I'm pregnant, I will not be keeping it." I state.

Matteo snaps his head back at me, his eyes wide, and a look of confusion clearly etched onto his face.

"I don't want a child, Matteo. I'm nineteen! I've barely seen the world, I'm not ready to become a mother."

I'm too young for this. To be a mother. For a lifetime commitment - To look after a whole other being when I can barely look after myself. And bringing a child into this mess that I have found myself in, is the last thing that I want to do.

"Mia, you don't have to-"

"I wouldn't do it for you, Matteo. I'd do it for me."

His face morphs into something else. "Of course." He says.

I give him a curt nod, and move back to take a seat, but Matteo stops me. "Would you sit with me?"

I turn back towards him, and then I move to take the seat opposite him.

He seems to let out a breath of relief.

I cross my legs and stare out the window into the blossoming, sun filled sky. The clouds have disappeared and now there is only the blue, pink and orange hues for miles.

Matteo and I don't speak for the rest of the flight.

***

When we arrive in Italy, it's mid-morning, and the sun has descended upon the world with a wild wrath. As I step out of the plane, I already begin to perspire, and regret ever thinking wearing sweatpants was a good idea.

On the tarmac, awaits a convoy of cars, all of which are surrounded by at least thirty men and women, all dressed in suits. All I can think about is how hot they must be in all that clothing.