Landing in Your Inbox

38 - please don't cry

December 6, 2020 10:14 AM
Anyang Country Club, Gunpo

"Hmm, I don't think she'll take this shot either." Alberto said doubtfully.

Seri stood over the ball, testing her swings. Someone's faint coughing had her looking up impatiently.

"Look at her body," Alberto pointed with a pen, "Her arm muscles and shoulders are so tense. I was once told that your arms have to be soft like wet noodles. I'm sure her knuckles are white under those gloves. She shouldn't squeeze too tightly."

Seo Dan was not oblivious to her friend's restlessness since they started the game. "Why do you know all this nonsense about golf, Alberto?"

"Ah but it's not nonsense, Ms Seo Dan." 

Seri tried to loosen up her arms and stretched her neck. She appeared to be talking to herself, maybe psyching herself up or pressuring herself, both. She swung the golf club back and struck the ball fast. 

"She is not getting this."

The ball curved through the air and landed, but stopped six inches short to the right of the hole. Never mind if the hole was already right in front of her.

Alberto hollered with a curved hand to act as a megaphone, "Ms Yoon! Relax!"

"Shut up Alberto." Seri spat.

"Something is wrong with her." Seo Dan mused with a rub of her chin. 

"Shall we find out with drinks tonight?" Alberto offered.

"It's a Sunday, we have work tomorrow." Seo Dan reminded with a stern glare, "Don't act cute on me."

"Me, acting cute?" Alberto asked innocently. 

After Seri eventually got the shot, she tossed the golf club in the cart with a heavy sigh.

"Did anyone get on your nerves?" Alberto asked.

Seri shook her head and reached for her water bottle. "Let's go."

December 4, 2020 8:30 P.M.
Blue Sky Cafe, DMV Building, Seogyo, Seoul

Seri never had to gamble with her heart. It's always with money, an instinct for profit, complemented with lightning quick calculations. She grew her business that way. It didn't matter if she cashed out billions, it was a risk she gamely took because she could afford to. 

This was a different set of currency that she never dealt with. A kind of bargaining where she felt she could stand to lose...

What did she want to do?

Did she have to do it with him right in front of her? Jeong-hyeok watched her, not daring to blink once.

"I met you in two different ways and that meant I should feel at ease with you somehow..." Seri began, her hand conforming to the shape of her cup, "But now I'm not sure what I should think about you...You are a combination of all the good things..." So many good things, in fact. "But all the more reason why I should stay away from you. You had to be both of those people at the same time..."

She wasn't making much sense, she knew. But none of this was easy for her. 

When they become troublesome, Seri would drop the men of her life so easily, without any regrets. Anger was an easy crutch, when she broke up with Cha Sang-woo she channeled her feelings of rage from being pelted by eggs.  

But she couldn't even stay mad at the man in front of her. No matter how much outrage she could muster, thinking how he deceived her for almost two months and the fact that he was her friend's former boyfriend...He had come to be someone who meant something more to her, and this was dousing any semblance of wrath she could summon.

"It's okay."

Seri lifted her face from her barely touched cup.

Jeong-hyeok tried to manage a small smile, "I've burdened you with a difficult situation, that is the last thing I want. When we walk away from here, you won't be hearing from me anymore."

Seri's grip on her cup tightened, if it scalded her she didn't notice.

"If I manage to play again maybe... I will still send you the music. I'll be happy to do that much for you." Jeong-hyeok said. How he managed to do it with a straight face, devoid of any emotion was a feat. It must be how pilots were used to being collected and stoic in the face of crises. "You can think that we only spoke on that forum and we are meeting here for the first time, after you requested it. The rest is just a bad dream. It will be easier to think of it this way."

Seri bit the insides of her lower lip.

"Go on with your life thinking this." He told her with a leveled tone, as though he was instructing her what one must do to survive an impending crash, "You don't have to lie to anyone. Okay, Seri One?"

***

Seri had lost track how long she stood by her bedroom door, the room cloaked entirely in darkness. She had resorted to hugging herself at some point because she wouldn't turn the heater on. Yet she preferred that cold and found a friend in the chill. She'll give herself a minute...or a count of 100, then she'll pick herself up and stop with that madness. 

***

"Do I forget everything, even listening to Nocturne when I can't sleep? Eating something more than Oreo O's in the morning? Or keeping love in my heart?" Seri chuckled despite herself, "Weird. They sound better typed than recited." 

Jeong-hyeok too gave in to a smirk.

"I won't forget someone who saved my life many times over." Seri decided, "I'll remember you...I think I'll even miss you."

Jeong-hyeok regarded this with his usual impassivity. Seri was thankful for his inscrutable expression somehow. 

"You'll be alright." He said with certainty, "Just never forget yourself."

Seri nodded, "And you?"

"I'll be fine." 

Seri showed her hand. "Let's shake on it, then."

Jeong-hyeok considered her outstretched hand, as though admiring how slender it was or how she kept her nails trimmed. He eventually took it, giving a brief squeeze as she also did. A clean gesture, almost clinical. His hand was warm... 

***

Her right hand had already lost the heat of his mere moments after their hands detached. Yet she looked upon it like the ghost of his touch was still there.  

***

Seri pulled out her hand, "We better finish our drinks before they get too cold. Then we should be on our way."