His Tesoro (The James Series book 1 )(BWWM)

16

Nyla

This is the day I've never wanted to come.

not this early at least.

i wasn't prepared for all the pity i would get. all the "keep your head up, baby" "he's in a better place now" "I'm sorry for your loss" "you're so strong."

no matter how many times I've heard them, smiled and nodded, i could never get used to them.

I first heard them when I was 11.

I was the first one in the church. I stood at the casket that held my mother's dead body.

makeup covered her face. my mother never wore makeup. it was unusual. she was in a purple dress. purple was our favourite colour. her straight dirty blond hair fallen at her sides.

my dad had to pick me up and move me away from the casket. I wasn't prepared.

I wasn't prepared to know that was the last time I'd see my mother. the last time I'd see her straight dirty blond hair, her green eyes, her 5'11 frame.

it was the first time i saw my dad sob. the first time he looked clueless, but it was the last time he'd seen his wife in the flesh.

"don't let go of my hand." i tighten my grip on Mateo's hand.

"i wasn't," he says softly.

"I'm sorry." I shake my head.

"it's ok."

we're at the church. the same church i was baptized in. the same church my parents got married in, the same church my mom's funeral was held in. the same church my dad's funeral will be held in.

"that's not him." i shake my head.

just like when I was 11. I stand at the casket of my parent.

"is daddy sleeping?" Zay asks. Mateo's carrying him. I wasn't sure if I wanted him here. to see his father dead in a casket. but my grandfather said he should. it'll be the last time he sees our dad.

"yeah, he's sleeping." Mateo answers.

"When will daddy come home?" he asks.

my eyes water. he doesn't understand.

"Daddy, it's time to wake up now. you have to come home." Zay says softly.

"Zay, no." Mateo lets go of my hand to catch Zay as he falls forward to try and touch our dad. i grip onto Mateo's suit jacket.

I need to hold him. i rest my head on the side of his body, trying to stop tears from rushing out.

"But I have to wake him," Zay tells Mateo.

"let him sleep, little man," Mateo says.

"Daddy, wake up!" Zay says loudly. "Mateo why won't he wake up? he always does."

"let him sleep, Zay," I say.

"No, he needs to come home. daddy wake up, please!" I can hear his voice crack. "why isn't he listening?"

"Nyla let's go outside," Mateo says.

"you guys go. I'm staying," I tell him.

he hesitantly steps away. Zay's cries fill the church as they leave. Zay has been attached to Mateo since the day they met. Mateo doesn't mind it, but sometimes I feel like he does too much for us.

"Tell mom I said 'Hi' tell her I miss her and I promise to make you both very proud" i go to touch his hand but pull away.

Suddenly I'm engulfed in two familiar scents.