Pushing Up Daisies

Chapter 24 : They Are the Hunters, We Are the Foxes

KWON JIYONG

Pain.

That's all I have certainly felt.

Totally miserable pushing up the daisies.

I think I am going to be dead right straight. How can I have damn survived for a fucking week after she's actually gone? or Am I already dead and I yet don't know?

But all I know is...I ended it.

And I've been downing with every words I actually just said...to end this. Well, I have never said a thing since then, nor communicated with anyone or even myself. After I said what the most sloppy lie I ever put out from my goddamn mouth, I really don't think I suppose to speak any words anymore.

Don't you come back here again. This is not your home anymore. Go live the furthest place away from me. We better not meet again. Take a good care of yourself. Goodbye, Bona.

I said what my head and heart were extremely against me to say, and these words got me the real giant injuries all over my spirit and soul. Now, these sentences are literally swallowing into the dilemma. I am such an idiot like she exclaimed.

Nevertheless, I had to do this. Hope she reminds herself later that I really had to.

I am so much well aware I closed the gate too hard with my harsh words that I had always been keen Daisies is the last one who receives this. But you know, if I didn't close the gate uncompromisingly, there might be a sneak hole that we can open this again. I wanted her to be angry at me rather than regret. I wanted her to feel I am such a twat (which I think I really am) and I wanted her to buy my idea swiftly as I was particularly shading her away so that she can hate me and move on faster. Left the madness over me.

"Can't we talk later when you're feeling better? Maybe tomorrow. I know you're upset and that's why you cover it up with your anger. You can go get to sleep. I am pretending tonight never happens. I am pretending you never be so difficult and mean like this before."

You were so patient than you ever be, Dais. She was so much calm when I was such storming and also making her scare. The way she thought that I was going to slap her, she folding her lips together tightly, closing her eyes, all of her body frozen at the moment except her teardrops.

...I felt so fucking damn terrible. I felt like I was completely such a dickhead. Well, I am still feeling these emotions now. So blue.

All of the week, I barely get feet out to the open sky, but locking myself in the same walls, same position. My bedroom. On the bed. A king-size bed and a tiny human. I'm feeling so small compare to this giant bed. Once it seemed full when it had company. The only company, her.

I roll myself on the bed and reach my left hand up in the air to look at the ring onto my pinkie. I keep staring at it every day, every hour, every damn minute. It is now the only thing I can remind of her when there's nothing belongs to her in here anymore. Not anymore.

At three p.m., I start to finally get up and go grab a bite of the day in the kitchen.

"How's your feeling, Jiyong?" Ahjumma greets friendly behind the counter bar doing her stuff. I walk past her to the refrigerator without any replying.

"Uh-oh. No! No! No! That's not a milk bottle. That's mayonnaise," she snaps while I am about to drink up a bottle of milk. I lower the bottle to see the logo and this really isn't the milk. Not even its body bottle. I shrug with a soft sigh and put it back to the fridge. And then Ahjumma snaps me out again while I am drinking up the real milk bottle, "Nooo! Put it out. That's liquid egg..."