Pushing Up Daisies

Chapter 1 : After We Fell Apart for Years

KWON JIYONG

And now here I am, sitting on my fucking feather couch in my living room, waiting for her to return from the bathroom. I can't even believe what I was thinking an hour ago—helping her escape from the stupid paparazzi to my apartment. What was exactly I thinking? Wanting to hurt her and myself again? I'm not even capable to find the answer for myself and for what I'm supposed to do after she comes back from the bathroom.

What I have known is I miss her. I've been missing her every single day since we broke up. Those moments are still clear in my head. So does hers, doesn't it?

I no longer piss myself off with my own crazy thoughts. Here she comes, returning with an unreadable face that I literally hate it so much. I don't mean I hate that gorgeous face. I just hate the way I cannot assume or get what she's thinking as I always knew. My girl is so grown up than she was five years ago. Five years? Five-year-apart? Oh, my fucking God. I just realized that I haven't moved on from her for five fucking years. She's literally influenced in my life. She has.

"Are you hungry?" I ask her as she's approaching me since I don't know how to begin a conversation properly. Flashback when we were together, we never had to begin the conversation like this because we always knew each other too damn well than asking what we were doing, and we were able to afford what each we wanted with no any questions.

"Yeah. I haven't eaten anything since I entered to the Church. Are you hungry, too? Shall we order some catering food?" she suggests, sitting down on the arm of my feather couch awkwardly.

Excuse me, Dais. There is a giant Gucci feather sofa for even four people sitting together, which the niece of Gucci specially created for me. And now she's sitting on its arm like she doesn't know how special it is if your butt is on the center of it, right here...next to my right arm.

Okay, okay, okay! Stop daydreaming, Jiyong.

I genuinely confess I just want her to sit closer to me. I just want to smell her scent. Does she still use that Daisy perfume which I used to buy for her as a Christmas present? The one that I myself bought as her secret Santa present. The one that I threw away when I was kicking her out of my apartment. Does she still keep on that scent? For me, it really belongs to her as if she's floating in the garden.

Ever since she always reminds me of the girl in the Daisy meadow in my wildest dream forever.

"Oppa? Did you hear me?" The childlike voice gently wakes my thought.

"Huh? Sorry. I...err...I was just thinking about what should we eat. What were you saying?"

"I just said that we may have the spicy Tokpokki and the Jajun-mion."

"Jajangmyeon," I correct her. Fuck! I really miss this kind of stuff as hell.

"Jajangmyeon," she repeats and raises her fingers to count how much food she wants to eat. "Oh, oh, oh! Ramyeon! Ramyeon! Could you please cook me a real Ramyeon? I've eaten the instant ones at my home for years. I miss the one that you always used to cook for me every time we got bored from the YG food and we had no idea what to—." Then, she stops at the mid-sentence and hides her expression by looking at the ceiling.

Here we go. The awkward situation begins. She stops looking up at the absolutely-nothing-to-be-seen ceiling and starts to look down at the floor. She's sort of nervous. So am I.

"Of course. I have a bunch of Ramyeon here. I'll go cook for you in the kitchen. Just think about what you want to eat else and order it. Here's my phone...then you call your manager and pick you up later." My voice helplessly dies at the mid-track.
I stand up and hand her my iPhone. Then I quickly head to my kitchen.

When I'm about to leave my seat on the couch, Daisies swiftly reaches for my wrist as she's sitting, and I turn to her before she begins to muse.

But she just opens the mouth and then closes it thoughtfully. She stays quiet as her small hand still wrapping around my wrist. Her face is straight, but her eyes keep looking down like they don't want to meet mine.

"Am...I'm sorr—."

She yet doesn't finish her sentence, and I kneel down in front of her.

"You don't need to apologize for anything...Dais." I helplessly call her the name I've been imprinted and, no one ever dares call her that name smoothly as I do.

My little girl's eyes are locked with mine and begin to pour the pitiful tears down along her red cheeks. Daisies hardly tries not to sob and stifles the moisture brimming over the eyes away.
I think she's going to stare at the fucking ceiling again, but she surprises me by closing her eyes and wrapping her two hands around my shoulders. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, so I let myself hug her back.

Should I say something to comfort her? or Should I stay quiet and wait for her to say anything first instead?

Fuck! I've been so fucking good for the speech on the thousand stages for my whole life. And then, to be dumb to my girl? Say something, Jijong. Say something that she's not going to cry, and stays here with me as long as her backer hasn't found out where she is, just yet. Make her stay any longer. Just one more minute, it'd be enough.

But honestly...I will never be enough when it comes to her.

I gradually settle her back leaning against the couch, then move myself to sit next to her properly. By the time, I feel so dilemma as looking through those bloodshot eyes.

"You know what. Forget it, Oppa." She begins. "I'm just emotional after that funeral. I'm sorry for making you feel awkward. I shouldn't have come here at the first place. I shouldn't have run into you every time I come to this city. I should've known that we're not even supposed to be in the same room, anyway. I shouldn't have come to work here since five yea—."

"Enough!" I yell. "Just stop talking stupid and please force yourself calm for a moment, Dais. I know you're afraid that we will be back and forth like we used to be. I am afraid too. I fucking am...but I'm more afraid that I won't see you again and I won't have a chance to be alone with you like this ever again because you've been so far away from me lately."

My voice gets soften at the last sentence. I don't even know that she'd know what that means. To be honest, I didn't mean about how far we are especially.

But I meant about how distant we have been.

My favorite those eyes start pouring the tear down again, still keep trying to stare at mine. I gently wipe her bright cheeks with my thumb. I realize that I'm so good wiping her tear as I made her cry too many times to count. Fucking G-DRAGON.

"Please don't cry. Please, Dais," I whisper as my hand still on her cheeks. "You know I hate seeing you down. It breaks my fucking heart as hell."

Our faces start to get closer like the magnet's magnetizing ours. Please, Dais. Please, bless her pushing me out, slamming my face or anything. Please don't allow me to do this. Because I already know if I let this happens, I can't even close the gate anymore. Any fucking more.

Her lips finally touch mine, and our hands begin to move smoothly like the love scene in the movie. And I feel I'm kind of turning on. Fuck Fuck Fuck! Not right now, Jiyong!

Her mouth tastes so good and gentle as always. It's so hot and fucking sweet. I never forget this smooth lip flavor. I never do.
And I bet, neither does she.

I don't know how long we kiss until we lay down on the couch—me being on top of her. Her arms wrapping around my neck. Her fingers softly running through my messy hair. To be honest, no any girl knows how to draw me as fucking well as her. No one. As I'm gradually marking her neck with my lips, the bell sound wakes us. Daisies and I unconsciously separate each other. While we're getting to focus on what just happened, a similar voice sounds through the doorbell camera. That's the way I slightly feel like I'm fucking really getting into a massive problem. Not only me, but also Daisies.

"Oppa! It's me, Juhyun. I know you're home. Please come and get me. I miss you so much. You owe me a kiss, remember?"
Shit!! That's my now girlfriend out there in my front yard. And Lords knows my ex-girlfriend who I just made out with is here, too. Damned God!